Totally tmi

Oct 15, 2011
WARNING!!! MAJOR TMI. Just writing it down for personal reference!

Ugh. So the last couple of days I've had what seems like diarrhea: slightly runny stool, major cramping, and it happening multiple times a day. If you've read my "job" blog you'd have read that I don't get bm all that often. So more than once day is diareah like for me.
I wonder if this is when I'd be on my period? The cramping is what hurts the most. Minor things that are getting on my nerves are the fatigue and lactation problems I'm also having.
I've noticed a discharge not unlike what id see around my ovulation dates. I winder if I'm going to start up my period again because that's what it feels like. Ugh! I hate the cramping.

Gasiosis of the mostest

I noticed today (technically yesterday because it's past midnight, but the date would be oct 17, '11), during small group that Paul had major gas problems. I mean I had noticed it before throughout the day but hadn't thought of it being anything other than just gas. But it was/is, in fact, a bad case of gas. I had to keep checking him for poopy diapers without there actually being one.
But we've just got him down for sleep and I'm sure I'll be up very soon comforting him again.
We have done our best to do everything we can think of to help remedy him, but only time will tell on this one. We have swaddled him and are playing white noise (was a combined effort at first of cellphones, radios, and the monkey. But we are down to just the monkey now). We also gave him a treatment of gripewater, so hopefully that will keep his stomach calm. Like I said though, only time will tell. The only thing keeping me awake now is the nagging question of; what did I eat today or yesterday that has given him such painful and stinky gas?

Stupid question

So my husband asked the most idiotic question last night:
Why are you always so tired?
I guess he thinks that because the kids nap I do too; or maybe it's that in spite of all my efforts to clean the house still looks like a pig stye; or maybe it's because even though I slaved over making him a homemade Bavarian apple torte for his birthday I still didn't manage to get dinner ready on time. I am not sure which of these reasons caused him to ask such a question, but he did.
So, why am I always so tired? Do you really want me to open that floodgate? Ok, here it goes!
Bullet point number one (yes, I know I could have just put one here but I wanted to emphasize the importance of this one): I am a mother of two (under two), five if you count my husband and dogs, who is current ill yet somehow manages to get what little work around the house done that she can while still maintaining a social life for her family.
I realize there isn't much needed for a social life for my kids but I do drive to and from preschool for Erin and have been taking Paul to the doctor multiple times this month. So even though I'm a stay-at-home mom I have barely been at my house. And as far as the kids napping... They do not do so at the same time. In fact they are perfectly synced so that when one goes down the other wakes up ready to eat and play. I'm exhausted and ready to nap when you get home
(posted 9/23/11)

Dunking the cookie

Today and yesterday have been hard days for me, emotionally. It has been physically draining. But I can only blame myself.
Sometimes I forget Erin is just a child ... Not even that! She's barely "not a baby" anymore! But I forget it so easily and lately it's been dampening us both. She is just so advanced it is easy to forget how young she is. No, I don't think of her as a college student or anything, but someone closer to 5 maybe... Closer than how close to 1 she really is. She's not even two! And yet I treat her like I do and expect things I shouldn't from a baby. And I feel guilty for doing so.
She is so special and I don't do enough with her to help her feel that way. These last couple of days I feel like all I do with her is discipline when I need to realize that she doesn't know certain things in this world and life. Shes never had to experience them and is doing so for the first time ever. It's hard for me to remember what that's like.
I had a slight epiphany tonight when I was eating with Chris: we had enjoyed dinner and I decided to make cookies for dessert. Erin was already in bed and had been there quite some time from an early bedtime. Anyway I had made some pretty perfect cookies, if I so say so myself. They were crisp yet chewy. When Chris got his drink he brought milk to dunk them in. I realized I had never ever dunked (or even thought about doing so) chocolate chip cookies in milk before. I mean, I had done it to Oreos and fudge covered graham cracker cookies, but never chocolate chip, in spite always seeing that depicted in movies and hearing about it in books. It was just something I hadn't done. So tonight, I did so. It was pretty amazing. A new experience well into my twenties. And it clicked: this is what it's like for Erin every day... Heck, every minute! Every time she does something it is for the first time (or close to it).
I had felt guilty for a good part of the day for similar thoughts but wasn't able to relate. All I could do was say "she's just a baby and it's all new". And it was hard. It still is hard to remember that. I forget that she's never interacted with things and take it for granted that I have.

Cell phone baby

I worry sometimes about paul's exposure to cell phone radiation. I know that sounds weird, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Now I don't really know much about the subject but it seems as if every article about cell phones these days is either praising some new technology or damning us all to cell-phone-shaped tumors.

I use my phone a lot around Paul, especially while he's nursing. After all; there's an app for that. I mainly use it as a timer, to look up things on the Internet, edit photos, write blogs, text, and check in on Facebook statuses during that time. These things keep my phone fairly close to his head. Now I did use my phone with Erin, but I did not have such a cool iPhone at the time, so i often just set the timer then put it down.
I think a big reason ive been a little freaked lately is because of the "Ryder" thing. This poor child is suffering from some advanced form of brain cancer and I can't help but wonder if it's from cell phone radiation exposure.

It makes me fearful. I try to put my phone down or at least hold it away from Paul while nursing now, but I have this nightmare where Paul has grown up and has this horrible thing that's cut his life short and he blames me because it's due to me using my phone around him so much while he was so young. I feel so guilty... And ashamed that I cannot use better will power to keep from using it while nursing.
Anyway, that's my rant for the night. Like I said, I don't really know much about the subject so I don't know how accurate my fear is, but sometimes the imagination wreaks havoc when it runs loose in my mind.

Odd happiness

I know it sounds odd (unless you read the previous post) but I look forward to the next time I get to nurse Paul on my left side. It'll be such a relief. **sigh** it's the simple things in life.

Duct, Duct, Goose

Ugh. Yesterday afternoon I started noticing pain in my left breast. By nighttime I knew I definitely had a plugged duct. The top of my breast was hot (not just warm to the touch), red, and rock hard along a distinct line. It was painful to the slightest touch. Before I went to bed I pumped an additional 3 oz from that side alone just to empty it after a feeding.
But that didnt help like I thought it would. It relieved the pressure but not the pain (the hardness had lessened but not gone away).
When I woke for paul's mid-night snack my whole body was in pain. My muscles ached like I had the flu, and I had such bad chills I felt like I was in the fridge. Both sides were engorged, but that was due to it being so long between feedings. My left was still very hot and very very tender. I went and pumped an additional 3 oz each side (6 oz total) before waking Paul to feed him.
When I did feed him i gave him the non-painful side first, changed his diaper and then gave him the left. I was in so much pain as I pushed the stopped up milk down the duct towards him. My body was still achy and my chills were increasing as I laid him back down to rest. I kept getting up due to not being able to get comfortable. After checking my temperature (97.3 f which makes me think our thermometer is very wrong its given me similar readouts on paul was i was sure he had a fever) I put a cold pack on and took some Tylenol. Eventually the Tylenol kicked in and my chills turned into sweats so I ended up sleeping in the recliner in the living room til Chris left for work.
I fed Paul again and "pushed" the milk out, despite the pain. I think that time must have done it. By the time Erin awoke I no longer felt as achy (a little remains, but I think that's due to the massage) and my temperature problems had almost left. That's also how I'm feeling now.
It's midday and I've started to get chills again and am trying to get relaxed so my body won't hurt. The pain is still in my breast but it's not hard, so I think it's more from me pushing on the duct while feeding. Hopefully I'm completely better by tomorrow.
Now I can kind of guess why/how this happened. For a while I've been getting such bad sinus headaches I thought my head would explode. The sinus problems eventually turned into a sinus infection. So when u took Paul into the dr for his breathing problems I asked them about mine, too. The dr said that even though I was nursing I should take Musinex D to dry out the sinuses. But to be sure and drink plenty of liquids. So I did, but probably not enough liquids because Paul became agitated when nursing. So to help my supply I started taking supplements (nettle root and fenugreek. At first it didn't seem like they were helping, so I started eating oatmeal at every meal. I should have checked but the supplements can take up to 48 hours to start working. I really think I mixed meds too much too quickly. But I was so afraid of loosing my milk supply and drying up because I selfishly (I felt that way though I know it's not true. But I feel that way when I put my wants/needs in front of my children's) wanted to take those meds for an easy fix to my sinus problem. I felt I should have looked for alternatives, but I now know these were the best choices.
I had had an oversupply anyway so I shouldn't have fought so hard to get it back up. I'm just grateful things are heading back to normal and healthy.

Biting

(post for June 31, 2011)
OMG! Erin bit me! And from what I hear I'm not the only one. She apparently bit Heather yesterday. I hadn't heard about it till I exclaimed "she just bit me!".
I bet she learned it at school... Or from the dogs. All I know is I didn't teach her that!
I was sitting on the pool's edge while Paul was asleep and Erin sweetly swam up to me. At first I thought "how sweet" when she put her mouth on my knee, "she's giving me a kiss on my knee.". But boy! Was I wrong! She bit me, and it took me a moment to realize what she was doing. I jerk my knee away and exclaim. Then I told her "we don't bite!" and put my foot back in the water. She promptly bit it again. And they weren't quick little snippy bites, they were tear-into-a-piece-of-meat alligator bites! I remember the look on her face as she looked up at me with a smile as she semi-cheerful my kneecap. Thank goodness it was a place that was mainly bone; those little razor teeth of hers would have really hurt a fleshy bit.
I am still in shock about it now (august 10, 2011) as I look back on the event. But she hasn't but anyone since (which is another reason I think it was at school, because she's been out on break for a while). I'm sorry if she did. It really shocked me.

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Cough cough gag

"cough, cough, gag" is the sound poor Paul has been making when he stirs today. I think it's his allergies but I'm not for sure so I'm going to call the dr tomorrow to find out for certain. He doesn't do it on a regular basis, just when he wakes.
Although just now when he woke for his midnight feeding it was a bit worse and he had trouble breathing too. It was very scary as I watched my baby gasp for air. I quickly undid his Woombie, even though I knew that wasn't the cause, and pat him on the back while sitting him upright. I know that's not what I'm supposed to do if he's chocking, but it was my first instinct. I hope I never have to use that training I got in the infant CPR class. Besides it wasn't like he was chocking on something, just chocking in general (which seems like it'd be a bit more scary).
I have noticed he is very stuffed up sounding and have been aspirating him a lot today. Hopefully this will pass without any significance other than another notch on my worrisome mom experience.
He had been sleeping nicely in his bassinet but after his chocking fit I figured that if it is to do with drainage we should prop him up a bit. So he is now quietly asleep in his swing while it is in the upright position. I don't like not being right beside him at this time of concern, but I know it is the best way for him to rest right now. and I need to get mine as well... Although that seems a bit hard right now with my worrisome thoughts.

Five by five

I've got to quit sleeping through my alarm. Granted these last couple nights I haven't, I've just been pressing "snooze" for an hour or more.
Yes, I set an alarm for breastfeeding. It's due to Paul's amazing willingness to sleep through the night. I've been wondering if the combination of the sway of the swing and warmth of the woombie make it too comfortable for him and that he night just sleep the day away.
I know that if I keep ignoring the alarm and let him sleep without nursing we will both be sorry. Today was another day he slept past 5 hours and it was really hard to get him to latch because I was engorged so badly. I need to get up and pump for a few minutes before waking him so that this is not a problem. But I didn't, and now I'll be up even longer because even though he ate, I'll still have to pump to be comfortable enough to go back to bed. Besides, if I get up when the alarm goes off I'll be keeping up my supply and not hindering it.

Nice night to nap

(post july 29, 2011) I have to say putting the kids to bed last night was like night and day, in a way.

With Erin I should have followed my gut, but I resisted to do so at first. I knew she was tired, but I kept dismissing it because she has just taken a nice long nap (from 4:30 to 6:45). That was really her only nap for today (I mean, she took one at school, but only for the last 15 minutes, and they had had big day with it being the last for the summer time. So I don't think that counts. We tried to get her to nap before then, but we were at nana's and then she refused to do so in the car.).
But it ended up after throwing her food in the floor and throwing a fit while getting ready for a bath, I just said "screw it.". I stopped running the water and realized what was happening. She was over tired (aka past tired). So I told her "alright, let's just go to bed.". She turned around and walked her naked butt straight to her room and called for beau. We got her dressed (it was nana and me), said te prayers and put her down. Immediately once we put her on the table to get dressed her body seemed to relax. It was as if she was saying "yes! I just want to go to sleep!". It made me feel bad that I hadn't "listened" to her earlier. But I'm glad she went right to sleep once she was in her crib.

Paul, on the other hand, went down without a peep! Okay, I am probably paying a bit more attention to his cues because I take for granted that she can talk and move around on her own. But anyway, I was just getting done with Erin when it was time for Paul to eat. I noticed that he was starting to grunt and sat down and fed him. After food and diaper change, we played just a little with Mr.Fan. I noticed he was starting to yawn and squirm so I got up and walked him around just a little before putting him down for a quiet nite. It was very nice.

Getting in the swing of sleeping

So, it's Paul's midnight snack... Past time. He has officially "slept through the night".
When doctors ask if your baby has "slept through the night" they are asking if they are sleeping 5-6 hours at a time sometime around midnight to 5 am. It's not the recommended 8 hours adults are supposed to get, nor is it the 10 hours nmy toddler sleeps (and thereby spoiling us). But it is something. And newborns aren't supposed to do so until they are at least 3 months old.
But Erin did sort of the same thing, and I know exactly why: the swing. Don't get me wrong, it was nice not waking up until 3-something. But it can be disturbing if you are a worrier like myself. Normally I wake at his first grunts, even if it's more for a bowel movement than food. But tonight he didn't do so until after I had pumped, and only after I stopped the swing. Which was why I didn't want him to nap in the swing during the day at first. But he's been good about waking himself up within a reasonably close amount of time to the 2 hour mark. But when he sleeps in it at night, and even sometimes during the day, he will sleep past the recommended 4 hour wake-up point. it's not all the time, but most of the time I have to stop the swing and/or uncover him to wake him. Which is why I've been trying to have him sleep in the bassinet more at night; at least for the first part of it (because he normally goes down then without a fight. Sometimes after the midnight snack he is wide awake (which was the problem very early on) and that's when I feel compelled to put him in the swing for the sake of my sanity.
But, as I said, I am a worrier; so when I awoke almost 6 hours after his last meal I was shocked and scared. I ran out to the living room and checked his breathing. It was normal and all was perfectly fine. But needless to say he is now peacefully asleep in the bassinet by my side, and with a full belly.
On a side note: I was even able to pump for 5 minutes, before he awoke, to relieve some pressure (which is what woke me up). I got over 5 oz. I'm sure I could pump right now and get some more, but ehh. I want my sleep, too. So, why am still up "talking" to you? Good question. Night!

Jeans

Today I fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans! That's about all I could do in them... But, hey, they fit. I could walk and stand just fine, it was the sitting that was uncomfortable. Today was the first day I really tried them, so I almost think I could have fit them before today. I know if they were pre-Erin-pregnancy pants they would definitely fit. But I didn't keep any of those after I lost the weight. The pregnancy jeans are a bit loose so it's a give and take. Maybe I'll just stick with the cargo and clam-digger pants till I can sit in the jeans.

Sleep

Last night Paul slept 5 hours straight. I'm sure he would have slept longer if I hadn't gotten up to pump. There have been a few times before I've had to wake him because he'd gone past 4 hours but for some reason this one was more memorable. Maybe because he went right to sleep at the start and straight back to sleep after. Didn't have to worry about getting him there, which can sometimes take him a long time. That and now I feel even more tired than when he doesn't sleep that long.

Products I'm lovin'

Okay, so it's after another midnight feeding and my mind is thinking hard while I'm trying to get to sleep. Right now it's stuck on items I feel make being a baby's mama so much easier. They are items I should think about buying for people at their showers and items that I will probably not get ride of that will end up in their hope chests. They are;
• woombies
• wubbanubbs

Products I will get rid of after the post-partum period But were great to have as a mom (and that I should definetly remember for people's showers) are:
• post-partum/cesarian underwear - great at holding in and helping to firm up all that loose skin after baby.
• lansinoh disposable breast pads - I used non-disposable ones after Erin was born along with these and preferred those. But with Paul, I think the disposable are better at stopping the leaks. Probably due to the amount of milk. But also the reusable ones you had to see which ones worked because some would stick to the nipple if there had been a leak and it would be slightly painful to take them off.
• lanolin - no nursing mom should be without this stuff.

And something every mom deserves is to feel sexy, which is why I love Hot Milk's nursing lingerie. It sucks that they are expensive (a bra runs $35-55), but you can usually find them on one of the mother sale sites at least twice a year.

Cellulitis scaring

After The c-section for Paul I got a bacterial infection around my incision called cellulitis. No, this is not what women complain about having on their thighs and butt, it's an actual infection caused by Streptococcal or staphylococca bacteria which can enter through the cesarian scar. This is how mine came about, causing my incision site to ooze slightly then have other symptoms: skin red and warm to the touch, some pain (if any, but I attribute that to the massive amount of drugs I was already taking for the pain), fever, chills, and inflammation of skin around the incision. My inflammation wasn't around but rather above the incision. I don't think I would have even noticed something was wrong if it hadn't been for the bloody tape over the seuteurs. I remembered that with Erin's c-section I didn't have blood showing. So I called attention to it. And I'm glad I did, cause if the infection got too bad I would have had to stay at the hospital even longer.
But now that my belly is somewhat flattening out I am able to see the scaring a little better. I could always feel it though... The inflammation made my skin look and feel like red cottage cheese. It was numb where the infection was and has slowly started to get feeling back. But now my loosened skin reveals an even more stretch-mark type of battlefield. It still feels a bit like cottage cheese is under my skin's surface: normal skin tightness and elasticity with bits and chunks of stretched non-elastic skin mixed in at random. It feels very odd. I'm not as worried about my real birthing stretch-marks as I am these. I mean, you can't really see them if you aren't looking unless I gather that chunk of akin together, but that doesn't stop me from being able to feel it. It's a bit of looseness I'm afraid wont bounce back. I don't know much about this infection other than what I've read on the Internet so I'll be asking my dr about it at our next visit.

Test

Testing picture posts

Migraines and mommys don't match

Ugh. I have been fighting a massive migraine for most of the day. The oxycodone I took is finally kicking in so I feel good enough to stare at my phones screen long enough to do some stuff. But I was just about in tears (and slightly nauseous whenever Paul got upset. I'm very grateful it's a grandparent day for Erin cause I'm not sure I could have handled them both alone. It's not Paul's cries that make my stomach turn but the shushing noises to make him calm down. I'm in my house right now hiding from the sun and hoping my ears stop ringing. Even though I took medicine my face around my left eye still feels bruised like someone punched me really really hard. ugh. I'm going back to bed before my head explodes.


* I was going to include a picture of an exploding head but I almost threw up doing an image search for one and decided against it. Just image one of the many exploding heads from JJ Abrams Fringe series (and yes, this can include the bleeding eye ones because with all the pressure my temple feels I would not be surprised).

Pauls 2 week check up

Post for July 6, 2011

Today at 1130 was Paul's 2 week check-up. We actually saw Dr. Harp-Wetz now that she is back from maternity leave.
Weight: 9 lbs 3 oz
Length:
Head size:
So basically he has gained a pound since leaving the hospital but remains the same length.
Other things she said was that he was perfectly healthy and she didn't expect to see him back again until his 2 month.
Then there's the stuff with the belly button...

She said it is sticking out because it's herniated; which is not a problem and should go away by the time he is 2 years old. His hernia isn't bad enough to warrant surgery if he doesn't need it. But we are supposed to watch it because it can be more prone to infection (which can be very dangerous) than normal. Also because it is herniated, it will stick out more when he cries or strains. This has been causing the healed/dried up stub to remain fresh (Which is what I've been worried about). The dr put some silver nitrate on it to help seal it, which is perfectly normal. But by the end of the day, due to all his straining, the silver nitrate had worn off and the fresh wound remained fresh (and puss-like). She did say if it didn't look better or wasn't healing by the next couple weeks to go ahead and give her a call.
Other than that he is a perfectly healthy little boy!

Checking in

Let me just say, and please excuse my language, if you are going to take one (or both) of my children you'd better damn well answer my calls! My biggest fear is loosing them so when you don't answer my texts or phone calls I get anxious and start to worry. This is even more true when you repeatedly don't answer me... Especially I'd you are going a long distance or time I need those check-ins to happen. I understand people can't always get to their phone immediately. But when you are watching someone else's child be sure and call back as soon as you see the call/text.
For repeat offenders I will be forced to not allow this situation to have the possibility of arising again so that I won't have to worry about it. I do appreciate your willingness to watch them even while you are busy, but i cant emotionally deal with it right now. Thank you.

Straight sleep

After months of sleeping on my side or reclined I am finally sleeping straight on my back. This past week I moved back into the bedroom and have slept with just a pillow under my knees to take some pressure off. it feels so good to lay like this! I normally am a side sleeper but it is so nice to feel like I'm not always hunched over in life right now. Now if I can just get a few more hours I'd be golden.

Pumping (the second time around)

The first time I pumped after Paul's birth was June 26, 5 days after he was born. I got a full 2 ounces! I was not prepared for this! I was even more so not prepared when I pumped a complete 8 ounces justa few days later (June ?). This was deffinetly different than how it was with Erin. with her I was barely getting .25 of an ounce that first bit. it took forever for me to pump a full 8 ounces! Like 4-6 months! It hasn't been a regular event, but I do get around 4 ounces at a time right now. I'm so not used to this. It must be because I got pregnant so close to stopping breastfeeding Erin... I was actually a number of months pregnant (4, I think) when I stopped nursing her. I don't know, it might just be how it is with consecultive pregnancies.

Growing up

More of a quick note but: my little buby is growing too fast! He's already 3 weeks old! Where has the time gone? It does not seem like just yesterday but it does seem like we've got a rhythm going. I don't want him to grow any more (says my mommy voice because the rest of me does so that he can become the person he's supposed to). It seems like this is the way it should be, not him reaching milestones, walking, and ultimately leaving the nest (yes, more mommy voice)! *sniff, sniff*

Best birthing advice

I was thinking about some of the best advice/nuggets of wisdom I've received over the course of my pregnancies and thought I would share some (if you can think of any that I missed please feel free to add it in the comments). Now I know I've only had c-sections, but I did have my water break on it's own with this last one and with the first I did start to have her vaginally. So I realize I can't speak for all types of labor other than the fact that some of the advice was from my first pregnancy (when everyone thought it'd be naturally) and from what I heard from other recent first timers that did it that way:
You will shake uncontrollably after giving birth - this one is true for both types of delivery. I know after my cesarians they took me to the recovery room and smothered me with warm blankets to help but both the nurses and I knew I wasn't shaking from the temperature of the room. Your body will go into shock and shake.
Breastfeeding shouldn't hurt... Ever - this advice came from multiple professional sources: LLL personnel, LCs, and nurses. It was bard for me to believe at first because all the people telling me to be sure and toughen up my nipples to be prepared. But after the first time of getting my little girl attached I was estatic with the fact that it didn't hurt. All that worry for nothing. But then I for lazy in my positioning (mainly because how long I was letting her nurse for) and it started to hurt. It was hard getting her off and repositioning so I just beared with it. But if I had corrected her I wouldn't have had all the problems I did. My muscles were so weak and I was just not willing to hold her properly for the full amount of time. I guess if this advice doesn't ring true with you take the other side of it and toughen things up.

Breastfeeding may not protect moms against MS relapse

Wed, Jul 6, 2011 (HealthDay News) -- Hopes that breastfeeding can reduce flare-ups of multiple sclerosis have been dimmed by recent research in Italy.
Researchers at the University of Florence found no support for prior studies connecting breastfeeding with lower disease activity for women with the degenerative nerve disorder commonly known as MS.
Instead, they determined that women who were sicker tended not to breastfeed, leading to the conclusion that some breastfeeding mothers had fewer relapses simply because they were healthier.
"Breastfeeding should not be encouraged as a protective factor without an accurate evaluation of the specific patient characteristics," said Dr. Emilio Portaccio, lead author and neurologist in the university's department of neurology. "Our study is important due to a lack of a consensus on whether breastfeeding should be advised against in order to resume therapy soon after delivery."
Women with MS are cautioned not to take medications while breastfeeding. The findings suggest that nursing may not be possible for women "with high disease activity," said Portaccio. Those women should be counseled that MS drug treatment soon after delivery should be an option, the authors said.
Multiple sclerosis, a progressive autoimmune disorder characterized by deterioration in physical coordination, affects about 400,000 people in the United States. It strikes women twice as often as men, with symptoms varying greatly from one person to another, according to the National Multiple Sclerosis Society.
Typically, the disease goes into remission, sometimes for long periods of time, and flare-ups during pregnancy are rare, according to the society.
"The reason is not yet fully understood," said Portaccio.
But the effect of pregnancy on the course of the disease is "at best neutral," Portaccio said, noting that other autoimmune disease activity also declines while women are carrying children. During that time, an immune system "switch" changes from a "pro-inflammatory status to an anti-inflammatory status that promptly reverts after delivery." Symptoms then increase to an "even higher" level for a few months. Pregnancy is not believed to cause any long-term worsening of the disorder, however.
Several drugs are used to fight MS, which attacks myelin, the protective covering of nerve cells, causing inflammation. They are not considered safe for use during pregnancy, however.
For their study, the researchers looked at 298 women with full-term pregnancies from 2002 to 2008 at 21 MS treatment centers throughout Italy. Of those, about 34 percent breastfed their babies for at least two months. The remaining mothers, who breastfed for zero to two months, were labeled the non-breastfeeding group.
Follow-up lasted for a year. After adjusting for factors such as age and level of disability, the researchers found no significant difference in relapse rates between the breastfeeding and non-breastfeeding groups.
The only predictor of postpartum disease activity was the number of relapses before and during pregnancy, the researchers found.
The study, published online July 6 in Neurology, was conducted on behalf of the MS Study Group of the Italian Neurological Society.
The findings are "in line with what one might expect," said Dr. Fred Lublin, a neurologist at Mount Sinai Medical Center in New York City. "Healthier women tended to breastfeed."
The study "did not resolve the issue of breastfeeding," added Lublin, who is also director of the Corinne Goldsmith Dickinson Center for Multiple Sclerosis at Mount Sinai. "These studies are all observational and it's hard to draw a conclusion of cause and effect from an observational study." A controlled study is needed, he said.
One expert expressed concern about the study's methodology. Dr. Emmanuelle Waubant, a neurologist at the University of California San Francisco Multiple Sclerosis Center, said that grouping women who had breastfed for less than two months with those who did not breastfeed at all could have affected the findings.
"Breastfeeding affects hormone production," which could affect disease activity, said Waubant, who is also an associate professor of neurology at the university.
But Lublin, who did not share that concern, said the researchers had used established criteria for group selection set by the World Health Organization.

-- Ellin Holohan

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Baby's First Bath

Paul had his first bath at home today (June ?, not the date of the post). Erin even helped out! It was very sweet of her but it meant we had to be extra attentive. I was so preoccupied that I didn't get the camera out! I'm sorry, Paul, it was a momentous event I was unable to document properly. I was able to get a few pictures after while you lay drying in my arms. The one below was the best.

It was pretty good as far as infant baths go. He screamed a little. We had to use soaked washcloths because the shower bit wasn't working. Erin helped out with a washcloth by dripping water over him. There were a couple times she got close to and on his face but it was still all good.

Pauls big growth spurt

Paul's definitely going through growth spurt. Yesterday he was nursing what seemed like every hour.
He's now eating very little and sleeping a ton. When he eats it's one side for not very long and he seems like he's fighting it

Post partum yuck

Since yesterday I've been feeling really really bad. Last night it felt like an ms onset (flu-like symptoms). My body was sooo very achie and I got so nauseous I couldn't even think about drinking water without it making me feel like I was going to vomit. This was after dinner when these feelings set in so I was lucky I had already eaten.

Sleep?

Erin has been so worn out these last couple of days that she's sleeping well into 8:30. Chris says this is a good thing for me because I can sleep a bit longer, too. But I have to say that's only true if both of them stay asleep during that time. Paul doesn't agree with his dad and likes to be wide eyed awake in the mornings after his morning pooh. And until that point in time he's only "asleep" in the sense that his eyes are closed because he starts kicking and grunting loudly way before that point.
But it's okay. I've been fortunate enough to get at least a couple hours sleep during the day either during Erin's nap time or while she is with someone.

Gas after surgery

Obviously this one, though short, is a bit on the "TMI" side. Fair warning.
It's been 2 weeks since my cesarean and I am experiencing some major gas. I expected it those first few days, and it was hard to pass but was encouraged to do so by my doctor (in fact, did you know that after surgery you are required to fart before you can get solid foods?). It was hard mainly due to the pain of the incision but also because the constipation.
But now it's 2 weeks later, I'm having perfectly normal bm (at least one a day, which is actually more than I used to do) and am still having gas problems. They don't smell, most of the time, but they do get quite loud. So let me just apology for that sound, yes: it is me.

Toddler troubles

So since the c-section I haven't been allowed/able to lift Erin. This has made it especially difficult due to her timing. She has started the "testing phase", where she is constantly questioning her and our limits. This seems like it would be a hard phase to deal with anyway (not to mention exhausting). But since I am limited in what I do it seems even harder. I know I'm doing okay with it, but just barely. I'm so tired in the first place that I get frustrated easier. I know she's still a baby, sort of (toddlers are babies, right?), but it still irks me when she doesn't listen... Which seems to be a lot. But I know as I get better so will these parenting skills. I'm sure if she knew the word she'd call me a bitch sometimes, which I'm actually fine with.
But I was sitting there with Paul as dada gave Erin her bath and thought, honestly thought about it for the first time in a long time, about how it would be with my MS. It's not something I keen on thinking about but it sort of hit me: this is probably what it would be like with a flare up.. On a good day, which makes me worry just a bit. But that is something I will deal with when it gets there.

Worry Wart

So this is Paul's belly button. His umbilical cord has just fallen off and there is a large amount of pus with some blood oozing from it coming from the stump.

Pooh on pooh

They say that breastfed babies rarely get constipation. Well, I think Paul is constipated and he is breastfed. Yes he has dirty diapers but that's not what it means: with babies it's about the consistency and ability to push it out. Paul's is very hard, when it should be runny and he definitely has a hard time pushing it out. It seems to hit him worst at night... In the middle of the night.

Bassinet babies

So Chris and I picked up this $300 white wicker Pottery Barn bassinet at jbf for $150 right before Erin was born. At first we were apprehensive about the buy, a bit worried we had spent that much on an item we weren't even sure we'd ever use.
But since then Erin slept in it for months in our room, Brooklyn did the same at the Wards, and now we are repeating the process with Paul.
We had it out in the living room and were going to wheel it into the bedroom each night. But right now I'm sleeping on the recliners in the living room, so he stays right there with me. Once I feel good enough to "get out of bed" (quite literally; it's the bending and pushing myself from a full laying position, which is why the recliners are nice) both of us will move into the bedroom where he will stay until he grows out of it or hits 3 months, whichever comes first.
But I think it's really cool that this buy, that we questioned, is quickly becoming a family heirloom.

Schedule

Paul's schedule is all sorts of backwards! I mean, it's past 2 am and I still haven't gone to sleep... And that's after trying to from about 10pm yesterday on! I am not upset, like how I was when Erin did this kind of thing, I'm remaining calm. But I'm afraid of how it's going to effect me when Erin wakes and I have to watch the both of them alone (while still not able to lift her). I know I get real short fused when I don't get enough sleep so I'm going to have to watch it (because I know Erins at the testing phase).
Anyway, he sleeps so much during the day I almost forget he's awake all night and start to worry that he's not awake enough. He doesn't oversleep during the day. He's very reliable in getting his food about every two hours (a schedule he has set for himself, I might add). But then he goes right back to sleep. By the time the night comes I forget and think he'll continue this routine... But he doesn't. Urgh. It's so tiring. If it was just him it'd be different because i could rest when he does too. But with active Erin, I really need these few hours of sleep. Speaking of which: goodnight.

The dogs

I sincerely wonder sometimes if we should just get rid of the dogs... And even though I'm at the end of my rope when they get out and I sort of give up because I can't chase after them or do anything remotely other than wait for their return; I pray so very hard for their safe return. So much so that, lately with these hormones, I start to tear up.
And now my little girl is talking and she just loves call out their names: "pissy" and "ra"". She used to love trying to pet Tira and get in their kennel whenever she let them out of it. She still tries to pet them both but has found it's a lot easier to do after she "sneaks" them a doggie biscuit. Pixi will come into Erin's room while we do our nighttime routine with her, and we have to remind her to follow us out as we leave.
And now with baby boy... Pixi immediately became a protective guard dog; following whoever was holding him, going to his bedside when he cries, even sitting at my feet as I nurse him. Tira has become more receptive to Erin's advances and licks her face or even allowed her to lay down next to her and give her hugs.
Before Paul came, we started letting Pixi sleep out on a dog bed in the living room (which they take their naps during the day) at night so we could slowly transition her into sleeping with Erin in her room. At first it was fine, but she would come in to the bedroom in the middle of the night and want in her kennel with Tira. But now that Paul and I are sleeping in the living room she hasn't made that attempt and has firmly taken to the dog bed with us.
Now I don't know what I or Erin would do if anything were to happen to these four-legged family members, and I fear each time they get out that something might. I so easily forget how much they really are a part of our family, even though I've joked about them being like another set of children for me to be a mother to.
I know Chris and I seriously talked about getting rid of them, even before Paul was on his way, but now I don't see that as a possibility. Not only would we as owners miss them, but Erin would too much. I don't think I could do that to her. So as much as they sometimes (ok, a lot of the time) drive me bananas, I don't think we will be getting rid of them any time soon.
Chris and I have come up with a few ideas on what to do to keep them from getting out, now it's just a matter of getting the supplies (and time) to implement it.

Dr check-up for Paul and I

Today, June 27, was paul's first doctors appointment! We saw the muse practitioner, Erin, which is fine because we've actually seen her more than our actual doctor who has been out on maternity leave for a while. Paul has already grown almost an inch (3/4 of one ain't bad!) and gained back all the 5% of weight he lost in the hospital so he is doing very well. I believe she said something along the lines if "perfect in every way.". :)
I also had an appointment today, and at almost the same time. Mine was not planned because i'm actually not supposed to see sorensen until my 2 week check up. But with the infection, dr cook (the last doctor to see me and inspect my stomach in the hospital) said I should see her as soon in the first part of the week as I could. He was also the one that gave my infection a name: cellulitis. When sorenson inspected my stomach it was still pretty tender but she said it was looking better. Which is nice. I was barely able to get an appointment with her but lucky for me someone canceled. So all is well with Paul and getting better with me.

Paul's appetite

Paul is a great eater. And I'm so very grateful. Thank you heather for your prayers. It was something I hadn't even thought about praying about.

Little Miss Fussy-Butt

Today she was moody, yesterday she was fussy and she's been all over trying and pushing boundaries... all part of growing up.
Yesterday was just another Sunday that was difficult. I don't know why it's Sundays, but those are usually her worst days. Maybe we just do too much the week before. But yesterday was another one of those days. I thought it'd be good, but she's teething so is fussy. I had to keep telling her no, which made her throw fits and cry... and I just don't know what to do when she does that. It makes me feel helpless. I couldn't find my car keys, or purse, and was trying to get ready for church. Erin wouldn't let me change her dirty diaper, or change her outfit (which turned out to be too small so I had to chase her around and change her outfit again!). Then when I put the dogs away, she went in and let them out and got mad when I wouldn't let her and had to physically take her out of the room. She put stuff in the tub and turned on the water (in my bathroom) as well as put her hands in a toilet to retrieve some toys she just dropped in. When I picked her up to wash her hands she got mad and crying. I got so much snot on my sunday clothes... but I was worried when I was washing her hands that I was hurting her because I had to push her into the sink to hold her up (I only have so many hands). I was worried about her stomach. Not a good morning. I felt rushed and frustrated. But was able to keep my cool through most of it (except in finding my purse... didn't find it until today).
But like I said, it wasn't a day I couldn't handle, which made it a good day. I jsut have to remember, she's just a baby and it's not her fault. This is a learning experience for her and it's better that she learn things she's not supposed to do now rather than when she's older. (I had to deal with this a little today with the dog food and electrical outlets). It's hard to keep that in mind and know what to do. I slap away her hand and she just keeps going back no matter how often I say no she just doesn't listen. She doesn't even acknowledge me when I say her name to get her attention. I just need to remember it's nothing personal, she's learning and I love her. Then when she reacts negatively to my repremands (her crying fits) I just have to walk away. I can't let that affect me either. Just make sure she's away from the bad things and go away until she calms down. I can explain it to her why, but I can't do what I want to (pick her up and comfort her crying) because that's negative reinforncement of what I want to teach.
I'm not saying that she shouldn't be held when she cries, on the contrary that's the first thing I want to do and often do do. When she gets hurt or scared or is tired and just needs to cry, I hold her and comfort her (now I immitate her saying "rock the baby" as I rock her in my arms). But I can't do that when she's crying because she's mad she can't do something she wants to that I don't want her to do. It's not fair to her to let her think that just because I tell her something "no"-wise doesn't mean she can't get out of it if she cries. I can't let in to my first reactions... and that's hard with a crying baby that I love. I do feel bad for her, but I know she's got to learn. I never understood that train of thought until I had a child. I just hope I can stay calm and keep my cool through this learning phase. Erin, I love you, you are so smart, I know you will learn quickly and easily. Just be patient with mama.

Erin Teething

So it feels like Erin's been teething for the last few months, because every time she throws a fit, sleeps too long, has a fever, gets off in any way that is the excuse: "Oh, don't worry. She's just teething." seems to explain everything.
And as true as it may be, it's just... when will it end? I don't know why but when she started teething I just assumed it would be those first few, and then there'd be a break before the next few came in... and then another break... and then some more and another break.
I don't know why I'd assume something like that. I didn't really assume it, but I didn't really think otherwise. I didn't think that she would just KEEP teething. I don't know why I wouldn't, it makes logical sense, but it just didn't really hit me. Just one of those things.
She's getting her back molars in right now, and I've never seen her go at stuff chewing like she has been. I thought she'd chew through her teethers! She usually doesn't like the frozen ones, but she has gone for them like nothing else these last few days.

A Letter to Both

Erin and PJ,
My darling dears, when you are old enough to read this blog I hope you see the good outweighing the bad. I have had my bad times and I don't want you to think it's your fault. It is never your fault. I just get so exhausted, frustraited, etc. Please realize my happy memories outweigh my bad ones. I hope yours do, too. Even now, I'm sitting here smirking a bit as I hear Erin tossing and turning and can feel PJ doing the same inside me.
I'm sorry if it has caused any problems with you down the line. I hope you have had a happy life and that I have taken part in it for the best. I love you both so very much. I hope you see that over everything else.
I love you,
Mama

Sleep Over Part Deux

Tonight is Erin's second sleep over, and it's already a bit different from the first time. I'm awake, and she should be waking up soon, but she'll be waking up over at Gammy's. It was a normal night for Chris and I, but when it was time to go to bed I still wanted to go into her room and check on her. But she wasn't there, so I got a little out of my routine which was awkward for me. I'll find out in a few hours how she did. I'm sure she did fine, she's used to napping at Gammy's. And if something was wrong I'd get a call. I'm not worried, it's just the house feels slightly empty without her... even though everyone would be asleep right now.

bad day

Bad Bad Bad day. It was a great start, but then when I changed her diaper, she wouldn't let me put a new one on, and I snapped. I tried the calm down thing with walking away, but then she still wouldn't let me. I couldn't stop crying and knew I had to do somehting before I did something bad. I wrapped her butt in a towel and tried my neighbors the Jordans, but they weren't home. So I took her to Lacy's. Spent a good long time over there, calming down. But the feelings stayed with me through the day. I ended up having to call Dr. Janet and setting up to see them. They were worried, which made me worse.

Name Calling

Chris and I had to go pick up the remaining stuff at JBF-Tulsa today and on our way we discussed #2's name.
We've been discussing Paul, Jackson, and Drake, in no particular order or preference as to which two of the three we would keep. We had pretty much decided Paul Jackson or Jackson Paul, though.
But I had gone to a birthday party yesterday where there were about 10 children/toddlers... and 3 of them were named Jackson. So I had time to think about it and was very discouraged in having that popular a name as my boy's first name. I didn't want him to get "lost in the shuffle" so to speak. So I had always been partial to Paul Jackson, rather than Jackson Paul (because that reminded me of Jackson Pollik the artist), and that clenched it for me. And then I thought about other middle names, and went back to the Paul and Drake combination, and then one or two others (I've always liked William, but apparently Chris has always hated it... but I still tried to get it in there). But we kept coming back to Paul Jackson. We like the names and the initials... so there you go. PJ is our name for #2 for right now.
We aren't 100%, and won't be until we fill out the paperwork. But I'm 99.9% sure that Paul Jackson Rano Rich is #2's full name. We wanted to decide it ahead of time so that we could stop frustraiting people. We will call him Paul and PJ... and never ever ever Paulie (that's the only downfall of that first name).

Dollie Go Night-Night

My daughter did the cutest thing tonight! So I've had a rough time with her today, and luckily Gammy was able to take her for a bit. I'm just so worn out for some reason and I think Erin is grumpy and was being a bit of a pill today (But that's another blog insert).
Anyway, back on subject of cuteness! So it's bedtime and we (Chris, Erin, and I) go through our nighttime routine, minus the bath part because it was late and we had been out. So we changed her clothes, said our prayers, and gave her her medicine. Then it was time to lay her down. She still seemed quite awake, so I brought her her dollie and she held onto it tightly as we laid her down. Then she immediately sat up when she hit the bed, and I thought "Oh, great. Now she's gonna start crying and everything." But she didn't, she just grabbed her little pooh-bear-blankie-thing and started covering up her dollie. Then I thought she was going to stay seated but when I reached for her she laid down with dollie (covered with blankie) tightly in her arms. It was so sweet! I almost cried then and there. It brightened my day and reminded me of the good things. It is a great memory I will cherish (and look forward to her repeating again!).

Grumpy Girl

Today was a bit rough. Erin's being more clingy than normal, I think it's because the daycare stuff. Ever since I started her in daycare she's become really hard to leave with strangers. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I wouldn't leave her with strangers anyway. She has started crying really hard and clinging onto me when I try and hand her over. The first day of daycare she didn't, she willingly went to the lady there, but since then it's been harder. She's gotten to where, after I leave her and they've finally distracted her enough that she quits crying, anytime someone enters the room... anyone entering... if it's not me she starts her hysterics again. It's very bothersome/worrysome. I know it's just a phase, but it's really hard to deal with when I need to leave her (like church) with someone. I don't know how to fix this. She sort of went through a similar phase when she was 7 months, but it wasn't this bad, and it got fixed after a while. But now... now it's crazy. It's exhausting.
And so I had to leave her today at church at the nursery, which she's gone to plenty of times before and been fine. And I thought she'd be okay (because she seems better with people she knows, and she knows them sort of). When I was checking her in she even started walking off to go in, but she had a hold of my finger, so I couldn't let her in because I wasn't done checking her in. By the time I was done the girl tried to take her and Erin freaked out. It was aweful! I spent most of church praying about her. I thought it was all under control until the last five minutes. I recieved a text saying that Erin needed me. Before church I had been looking forward to the idea that I could get a chocolate chocolate-chip muffin there after service for breakfast. I was really looking forward to it. But when I got to Erin she was inconsolable, so I just took her and headed home. We did stop by McD's to see Chris and grab some food. Fries made the tears go away for a little bit. And when we got home she took her nap.
I thought the fits would be done when she awoke, and I knew Patty was coming to get her in a little while after she got up. So I put in one of her Classical Baby DVDs and she immediately was mezmerized ( for that whole "I'm awake but not really ready to move" phase these DVDs are great). She sat down right in front of the TV, which is a bit close for me (I realize TVs have changed over the years, but I always remember hearing you shouldn't sit closer than 4 feet for your eyes' sake, so I still try to keep to that and have been trying to get Erin to follow it too). So I asked her to come sit with me a few feet away. She just ignored my requests. When I reached out for her and took hold to pull her back to me she freaked out: she flailed her arms, arched her back, started crying and yelling. It was aweful. I felt horible. All I wanted to do was sit with her in my lap, or at least beside me, and I couldn't. Every time I even touched her she started again. I finally just grabbed her and held onto her while she screamed and cried and flailed about. I tried to explain to her that we could watch it and that I just wanted to hold her, but I know she doesn't understand that quite yet. I started crying. All I wanted to do was hold my baby and it seemed she hated me when I touched her. We cried together for a little while and she finally realized I wasn't going to take her away, but she stayed stiff while watching the dvd. I felt so bad.
I've got to figure out how to make her less grumpy.
This morning she was very "dizzy" it seemed, so I'm taking her for a check tomorrow because I'm worried that her ear infection has gotten worse. She's not contagious, I know that much. No fever and her caugh is almost gone. She's recovering her voice even. But she was very off-balance today. She fell a couple of times when she shouldn't have and hit her head. Once when she was standing and holding onto something. She didn't slip or trip or anything, just "wham!" fell and hit her head. So that and the grumpiness makes me a bit worried. It's not that she's sick, she's just not acting herself, so I'm going to go have it checked.

Updating

I know I haven't been updating hardly at all, but having a 1 year old is a bit taxing on time. My down time is minimal. Hopefully over the next few weeks I'll be able to go back and update some stuff.

Erin's Birthday coming soon!!!

I'm so excited for Erin's first birthday! It's such an eventful milestone in her life, and mine. I love that I get to celebrate my little girl and show off how talented she is with her many achievements.
I hope we get the rest of her decorations in spite of the snow. We should, and if we don't I've got back-up! :)

Erin Walks!

Erin has lately been taking a few steps at a time, but tonight at Small Group she walked all the way across the kitchen! It was amazing!!!

Erin's First Steps

Today Erin walked a couple of feet (at least 3 steps, closer to 5) today! It was from one of her toys to me, with some prompting. Then she did it later between Chris and I. It's so great seeing her reach these milestones! It's sad too because I know that she's growing up so quickly. But it's so great.

Baby Boy Kicks

I felt Baby Boy kick me last night, very well and obvious. It was a very reassuring feeling. For the last week I've been feeling little flutters and quick cramps that I wasn't sure of. But now I know what those feelings are. I love that I've been feeling the kicks on and off all day.

One Month Countdown

One more month until Erin turns 1 year old! I've got to start planning! I think I'm going to go with the Alice In Wonderland Theme. I've been doing some research online and have some cute ideas.

Erin's First Step

Erin took her first step on her own today! It was so magical! Just one little step on her own before falling down on her butt, but it was wonderful to watch. Chris and I try to get her to walk between our arms without support. She's doing so well, and growing up so quickly!