On Nesting

So I'm starting to believe that nesting is really for the unprepaired. I'm not saying I'm not suseptable to it as well, I'm just saying my recent nesting tendencies are due mainly to the "oh God! I'm not ready yet" feeling in the pit of my stomach (that now resides between my lungs). I keep feeling that I've gotta get stuff done and ready for LBG's big arrival because I'm not going to have time for it afterwards... or goodness knows, what if I forget about something before she comes?
I've got a whole to-do list that seems to fluxuate so badly. I think I've got stuff done and figured out and don't really have to worry... until suddenly... a "what if" crawls in my ear (darn Shel Silverstein and his being right about things even if they aren't real)!
I really thought I was doing well, especially after today's hurricane of action around the house in which I barely lifted a finger (thank you Tim, Patty, Mom, and Chris for helping out!). I'm caught up on laundry, the dishes are done, all the rooms are decent and decorated, even the drive got shoveled! I mean, what else do I really have to worry about, right?
All the little things, of course. Now I'm thinking that I've still gotta print out the little cards for the hospital so the nurses don't feed LBG with a bottle or use a pacifier, bake cookies (to sweeten up the nurses so I don't seem like such a bad person for telling them how to do their jobs... and because I want cookies), put away and organize the master bathroom, organize my dresser, finish up the thank you notes, put away the little things, organize that area above the drier, get the star stickers up in LBG's room (actually, that one I have to hand off to someone because I'd be on a ladder), and find places for things in general.
See what I mean about "worrying about nothing?" It's all little stuff that I can do later, and not stress over, but it's exactly what I'm stressing over... which is why I think nesting is all about anxiousness/anxiety and a lack of anything else to do. I mean, with the weather how it is we are all slightly stir crazy. And I know Patty and my mom are both anxious for LBG to arrive, so they're nesting too! I don't think it's just a thing for the mother-to-be, I think it's a thing for everyone involved that feels a little pressure about the whole thing. I know Chris is busting his butt trying to get the schedules done so that he'll be ahead of the game in time.
I don't know. I mean, I was calm and everything was going well, but then I start thinking "what do I need to do?" and my mind goes crazy. It's hard to fall asleep (well, also because the comfort level isn't as it used to be), so I'm constantly getting up either thinking of things I need to do or just doing them. Like before coming in here (at 10:30 PM) I semi-organized our bathroom counter space. Some things feel a bit too overwhelming to attempt, but those are the things I don't mind skipping (like the office). That is something I'll do when she gets here. We can do it together, and it'll be more fun then. But other things just get stuck in my head that I must do them right then or they might not get done.
Nesting is more about the overwhelming feeling of having to do stuff now because I might not be able to later; weither later is after she has arrived or just in terms of she could arrive any minute so I might not be able to wait until tomorrow to do it. I think this anxious stress causes babies to come, not the other way around. So, I guess as long as I remain calm and relaxed I've got nothing to worry about, right? I can still nest, I just need to not stress about it... otherwise it won't be able to get done because she'll be on her way.
So, Jess: breathe... breathe... breathe... everything will get done, and if it doesn't it's not a big deal. The house is in a good place right now, so don't stress... and for goodness sakes, get some sleep!

Where's my time?

Sometimes I feel like a character on one of those cop shows and that I should be wearing an ankle bracelet. Since Chris has made the request that I no longer drive, I feel trapped sometimes. Which is weird, since I go out almost daily. I just feel I can't do it on my own.
At first I was like "who do you think you are?! Telling me, a wonderfully independent woman, what to do? Telling me I can't drive my own vehicle?!" But the closer I get to the due date, the more I understand. I don't want to be stuck in Tulsa's traffic with contractions going. I know very very few people really have babies on the side of the road in the back of their vehicle (unless you go by movie statistics). But that doesn't stop me from worrying about the actual contractions happening then. I mean, right now I get 1 to 2 contractions a day, but they've started coming at random times (yes, Braxton Hicks). So I don't want one of them to come while I'm driving and take away my concentration.
But all that doesn't stop me from feeling trapped sometimes. I felt so overwhelmed the other day, a couple of days after the shower. I kept looking around the house at what needed (what I wanted) to be done, and realizing I couldn't do it myself. I couldn't lift the boxes, I couldn't bend over to pick up stuff, I couldn't drive anywhere to get away... I felt completely useless... and helpless. It's not a fun feeling and it's hard to grasp sometimes. But I have been blessed to have people come out and help me.
Unfortunately, that's one of the things that made me feel like a prisoner, too. I'm never alone! N-E-V-E-R! Last night was the first time I didn't have a "changing of the guards" and actually had a few hours to myself... of course, I didn't know what to do with myself, but that's besides the point.

Nesting/Painting

I'm not sure if it's the presence of my mother or the looming due date (and the looming question by everyone "haven't you popped yet?"), but it's officially 5:45 AM and I am up painting. I just can't get to sleep even though I'm really tired and have a long weekend in front of me.
But I really really want to get this nursery done. I've stopped caring that it's not "perfect" and have agreed to alow myself do cartoony versions of what I wanted. I just don't have the time or patience to do exactly what was in my head. If I had started at the begining, nine months ago... I'm sure I would still be in the exact same spot, so I don't feel aweful about that. Besides, LBG will be an infant and won't know that it's not the greatest painting on Earth. And it sort of is, because it's for her. But I won't let her know that it's not exactly what I thought it was going to be. Cartoony here I come!
I feel a little bad about that, but at the same time... I'm ready. Not for her to come out, but I'm ready for the labor of this room to be done! I'm ready to start actually nesting the nest and getting the room set up and the clothes put away and the changing table organized. I'm ready to nest! Problem is the room isn't. So I'm giving myself 7-10 days to finish. I want it done-done by the doctor's due date (which is the 27th). Although, at this time, I'm pretty sure we miscalculated the date and it's about a week off. But that's good, because (hopefully) that'll give me time to get the room aired out and set up.
So anyone feeling even remotely artistic just jump on over! Like I said, it doesn't have to be perfect. I just want her to feel the love that we all put into the room.
It was so nice to have Grandpa Tim over the other night to paint the trees and castle wall. Even though he didn't really know what he was doing, he still put love into it, which is what really counts. The same with my mother. I'm hoping others will do the same. I mean if nothing else, I know Grandma Patty doesn't paint, but I'd love for her to come over and just dab on a red circle to symbolize a rose. I've got no problem going back over what's been done and adding the details. But I know there will be a time when LBG will point to something in the room and I'll smile and go "yes, so-and-so painted that for you to show you how much they love you!" Not that painting is the only way of showing love, but I'd love to be able to have a little bit of everyone in that room for her to be a part of.
I'm waiting for the aunts and uncles to come over and do a little something... maybe I should call them, not now, of course, but sometime later today would be good. I've got some pretty easy things to do and they can be fun (like the leaves on all the trees; just take a sponge and go for it!).
Mom is going to be doing the detail work for the buildings, I mainly want her to draw them out so that we can get them going. And like I said, I've come to realize cartoony is fine for this attempt, so maybe not so detaily as I originally planned; more like symbolic.
I'm waiting on paint to dry so I can start the next thing. Please feel free to come over and help any time! But you'll have to call first, please, because I'm finding out my schedule is booking up fast for doctor's appointments. Which is another reason I wanna bust this out!