New Years resolutions 2020

Well, it’s that time of year (decade) where everyone is promising to better themselves somehow... even me.  So here are my top five:

1. I’m going to try and blog more, maybe even make some money for what I write. 
2. I’m going to try and do better with my calendars (making sure they’re all in sync). 
3. I’m going to try to drink more water. I’m well on my way with the new water bottle a friend gave me for Christmas. 
4. I’m going to try and spend some more alone time with God. I really feel a tug to spend more time with Him, it’s just being more intentional about it. 
5. I’m going to try and catch-up on the lessons I’ve missed and listen to them when they come out. 

Thank you for your support into this new year!

Little Miss Fussy-Butt

Today she was moody, yesterday she was fussy and she's been all over trying and pushing boundaries... all part of growing up.
Yesterday was just another Sunday that was difficult. I don't know why it's Sundays, but those are usually her worst days. Maybe we just do too much the week before. But yesterday was another one of those days. I thought it'd be good, but she's teething so is fussy. I had to keep telling her no, which made her throw fits and cry... and I just don't know what to do when she does that. It makes me feel helpless. I couldn't find my car keys, or purse, and was trying to get ready for church. Erin wouldn't let me change her dirty diaper, or change her outfit (which turned out to be too small so I had to chase her around and change her outfit again!). Then when I put the dogs away, she went in and let them out and got mad when I wouldn't let her and had to physically take her out of the room. She put stuff in the tub and turned on the water (in my bathroom) as well as put her hands in a toilet to retrieve some toys she just dropped in. When I picked her up to wash her hands she got mad and crying. I got so much snot on my sunday clothes... but I was worried when I was washing her hands that I was hurting her because I had to push her into the sink to hold her up (I only have so many hands). I was worried about her stomach. Not a good morning. I felt rushed and frustrated. But was able to keep my cool through most of it (except in finding my purse... didn't find it until today).
But like I said, it wasn't a day I couldn't handle, which made it a good day. I jsut have to remember, she's just a baby and it's not her fault. This is a learning experience for her and it's better that she learn things she's not supposed to do now rather than when she's older. (I had to deal with this a little today with the dog food and electrical outlets). It's hard to keep that in mind and know what to do. I slap away her hand and she just keeps going back no matter how often I say no she just doesn't listen. She doesn't even acknowledge me when I say her name to get her attention. I just need to remember it's nothing personal, she's learning and I love her. Then when she reacts negatively to my repremands (her crying fits) I just have to walk away. I can't let that affect me either. Just make sure she's away from the bad things and go away until she calms down. I can explain it to her why, but I can't do what I want to (pick her up and comfort her crying) because that's negative reinforncement of what I want to teach.
I'm not saying that she shouldn't be held when she cries, on the contrary that's the first thing I want to do and often do do. When she gets hurt or scared or is tired and just needs to cry, I hold her and comfort her (now I immitate her saying "rock the baby" as I rock her in my arms). But I can't do that when she's crying because she's mad she can't do something she wants to that I don't want her to do. It's not fair to her to let her think that just because I tell her something "no"-wise doesn't mean she can't get out of it if she cries. I can't let in to my first reactions... and that's hard with a crying baby that I love. I do feel bad for her, but I know she's got to learn. I never understood that train of thought until I had a child. I just hope I can stay calm and keep my cool through this learning phase. Erin, I love you, you are so smart, I know you will learn quickly and easily. Just be patient with mama.

Grumpy Girl

Today was a bit rough. Erin's being more clingy than normal, I think it's because the daycare stuff. Ever since I started her in daycare she's become really hard to leave with strangers. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I wouldn't leave her with strangers anyway. She has started crying really hard and clinging onto me when I try and hand her over. The first day of daycare she didn't, she willingly went to the lady there, but since then it's been harder. She's gotten to where, after I leave her and they've finally distracted her enough that she quits crying, anytime someone enters the room... anyone entering... if it's not me she starts her hysterics again. It's very bothersome/worrysome. I know it's just a phase, but it's really hard to deal with when I need to leave her (like church) with someone. I don't know how to fix this. She sort of went through a similar phase when she was 7 months, but it wasn't this bad, and it got fixed after a while. But now... now it's crazy. It's exhausting.
And so I had to leave her today at church at the nursery, which she's gone to plenty of times before and been fine. And I thought she'd be okay (because she seems better with people she knows, and she knows them sort of). When I was checking her in she even started walking off to go in, but she had a hold of my finger, so I couldn't let her in because I wasn't done checking her in. By the time I was done the girl tried to take her and Erin freaked out. It was aweful! I spent most of church praying about her. I thought it was all under control until the last five minutes. I recieved a text saying that Erin needed me. Before church I had been looking forward to the idea that I could get a chocolate chocolate-chip muffin there after service for breakfast. I was really looking forward to it. But when I got to Erin she was inconsolable, so I just took her and headed home. We did stop by McD's to see Chris and grab some food. Fries made the tears go away for a little bit. And when we got home she took her nap.
I thought the fits would be done when she awoke, and I knew Patty was coming to get her in a little while after she got up. So I put in one of her Classical Baby DVDs and she immediately was mezmerized ( for that whole "I'm awake but not really ready to move" phase these DVDs are great). She sat down right in front of the TV, which is a bit close for me (I realize TVs have changed over the years, but I always remember hearing you shouldn't sit closer than 4 feet for your eyes' sake, so I still try to keep to that and have been trying to get Erin to follow it too). So I asked her to come sit with me a few feet away. She just ignored my requests. When I reached out for her and took hold to pull her back to me she freaked out: she flailed her arms, arched her back, started crying and yelling. It was aweful. I felt horible. All I wanted to do was sit with her in my lap, or at least beside me, and I couldn't. Every time I even touched her she started again. I finally just grabbed her and held onto her while she screamed and cried and flailed about. I tried to explain to her that we could watch it and that I just wanted to hold her, but I know she doesn't understand that quite yet. I started crying. All I wanted to do was hold my baby and it seemed she hated me when I touched her. We cried together for a little while and she finally realized I wasn't going to take her away, but she stayed stiff while watching the dvd. I felt so bad.
I've got to figure out how to make her less grumpy.
This morning she was very "dizzy" it seemed, so I'm taking her for a check tomorrow because I'm worried that her ear infection has gotten worse. She's not contagious, I know that much. No fever and her caugh is almost gone. She's recovering her voice even. But she was very off-balance today. She fell a couple of times when she shouldn't have and hit her head. Once when she was standing and holding onto something. She didn't slip or trip or anything, just "wham!" fell and hit her head. So that and the grumpiness makes me a bit worried. It's not that she's sick, she's just not acting herself, so I'm going to go have it checked.

Christening

Erin got christened today! We are so proud and happy that we were able to do this. I have to admit, I was the one putting a major push behind it due to fear.

WARNING, PERSONAL BELIEFS BELOW. PLEASE REALIZE THIS IS JUST MY VIEW:
I remember being taught that all babies are born with original sin, so if something were to, God forbid, happen she would go to either pergitory (aka limbo) or hell. I didn't like the idea of that one bit! And I realize that not everyone was taught that. Chris wasn't and he didn't understand why I insisted it had to be a christening and not just a dedication.
You see, original sin goes something like this:

The Council of Trent solemnly expressed the Church's faith concerning original sin. In the previous catechesis we considered that Council's teaching in regard to the personal sin of our first parents. Now we wish to reflect on what the Council said about the consequences of that sin for humanity.

In this regard the Tridentine decree states first of all:

Adam's sin has passed to all his descendants, that is, to all men and women as descendants of our first parents, and their heirs, in human nature already deprived of God's friendship.

The Tridentine decree (cf. DS 1512) explicitly states that Adam's sin tainted not only himself but also all his descendants. Adam forfeited original justice and holiness not only for himself, but also "for us" (nobis etiam).

Therefore he transmitted to the whole human race not only bodily death and other penalties (consequences of sin), but also sin itself as the death of the soul (peccatum quod mors est animae).

Here the Council of Trent uses an observation of St. Paul in the Letter to the Romans. The Synod of Carthage had already referred to it, repeating a teaching already widespread in the Church.

Letter to the Romans the Apostle wrote: "By one man's disobedience all became sinners" (Rom 5:19), and in the preceding verse: "One man's trespass led to condemnation for all men" (Rom 5:18). St. Paul connects the sinful situation of all humanity with the fault of Adam.

The Tridentine decree contains another statement: Adam's sin is transmitted to all his descendants by generation and not merely by way of bad example. The decree states: "This sin of Adam, which by origin is unique and transmitted by generation and not by way of imitation, is present in all as proper to each" (DS 1513).

Therefore original sin is transmitted by way of natural generation. This conviction of the Church is indicated also by the practice of infant baptism, to which the conciliar decree refers. Newborn infants are incapable of committing personal sin, yet in accordance with the Church's centuries-old tradition, they are baptized shortly after birth for the remission of sin. The decree states: "They are truly baptized for the remission of sin, so that what they contracted in generation may be cleansed by regeneration" (DS 1514).

Straight from the Vatican itself

I hope this explains a little better on why I was pushing for the Christening to happen. And please realize, this is my personal belief as I have grown up with Catholic teachings. I understand that others don't believe this view at all. Chris, for example, does not believe in Purgatory (which is somewhat understandable. It is a mainly Catholic device) and believes that because Erin herself has not sinned she would go straight to heaven. Eather way... she's Christened and has been saved.
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Allright, back on track:
So we had Edwin Gungor preside over the christening, which was great. He was the same man who married Chris and I in the faith (we had already been legally married).

Erin's godmother is Heather Mary Ward, and her godfather is Joshua Adam Rich.

Tim and Patty hosted the lovely "swarre". It was nice and light. People were wearing sandals, no suits, just some jeans and nice shirts. It was a wonderful event and I wouldn't want it any other way. It was good that it was intimate as well. Only a very small crowd joined us, which was perfect. It was our closest people: Clayton, the Balliquoi's (and Liz's sister), and Gail. 14 total (not to cout the 2 buns in the oven or the 4 dogs outside).
We had brisket and bbq chicken (and sides). I made a georgous honey glazed lemon cake that I'm told was very good. I also made shortbread.
We ate before hand, then the Christening happened. It was wonderful. I will have to share the video Clayton took for us soon.
Afterwards some more munching and major swimming! It was good, most everyone (of the young-uns got in), except Liz and her sister.
And Erin recieved some wonderful gifts! (which I will also list soon)
It was a good day, and a great event. We are so very blessed and thankful to have such wonderful people in our lives. For those of you who are too far away to attend such an event; please know you were in our hearts. We miss you and know that you will help us keep Erin's path with God right. Thank you, everyone. We are truely blessed to have family, both near and far, praying and watching out for us. Thank you.

Erin Easter at Church

We have gone to church two out of three days this weekend (Friday counts, right?), and it's been great. It's really put me in a good place. I'm excited to have Ed do a Christening/Dedication service for us. It won't be for a while, probably June/July when my parents can be there too. But it's just going to be small and at the home (either ours or Tim and Patty's).
Anyway, since it was Easter Sunday they had a photographer there to take pictures with a bunny... so of course I got Erin in on that action! Here are the ones he got:






The below is actually the first one he took, but she was falling out of the chair! Didn't quite support herself, so it took a moment to get the others. In the one above it was the last picture and I was getting anxious (sun, fussiness, etc)... you can see me (well, the bib I'm holding) in the upper right of the picture.