Ugh. I have been fighting a massive migraine for most of the day. The oxycodone I took is finally kicking in so I feel good enough to stare at my phones screen long enough to do some stuff. But I was just about in tears (and slightly nauseous whenever Paul got upset. I'm very grateful it's a grandparent day for Erin cause I'm not sure I could have handled them both alone. It's not Paul's cries that make my stomach turn but the shushing noises to make him calm down. I'm in my house right now hiding from the sun and hoping my ears stop ringing. Even though I took medicine my face around my left eye still feels bruised like someone punched me really really hard. ugh. I'm going back to bed before my head explodes.
* I was going to include a picture of an exploding head but I almost threw up doing an image search for one and decided against it. Just image one of the many exploding heads from JJ Abrams Fringe series (and yes, this can include the bleeding eye ones because with all the pressure my temple feels I would not be surprised).
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Migraines and mommys don't match
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Pooh on pooh
They say that breastfed babies rarely get constipation. Well, I think Paul is constipated and he is breastfed. Yes he has dirty diapers but that's not what it means: with babies it's about the consistency and ability to push it out. Paul's is very hard, when it should be runny and he definitely has a hard time pushing it out. It seems to hit him worst at night... In the middle of the night.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Sleepless Nights
Right now I'm suffering from insomnia (as you can tell by the time stamp on this post), but it is not due directly to Erin. But because I'm awake already I've been the one going and checking on her.
Let me restart: She was sleeping pretty well through the night, waking up only ever so often at 3-5am and then for the day at 7am. Chris would do hisi daddy duty and put her back to sleep at the 3-5 waking. In Peru she started waking up at around midnight, 3-5am, and 7am. I let this slide because she was not in her own bed, new environment, etc, etc. So I'd just nurse her back to sleep. She did fine and would fall right back until the next time slot.
But now that we are back she has gotten a whole new attitude towards sleeping. I can't get her to nap worth anything. It tires me out and I just can't deal with it sometimes. I cheat and it seems the only way she'll nap is if she nurses... but even then that does not work all the time. She just gets sooo tired! I don't understand, because I put her down at the first signs of sleepiness, and the moment she knows where she's going it's bloody-murder! You'd think I was pinching her all over or something! It's aweful and I just don't know what to do. I get so frustrated... I can barely get myself to walk away sometimes though. Sometimes I just pick her right back out and say "Okay, if you are awake enough to stand in your crib/cry that hard/etc you are gonna just be awake." I'll take her out and we'll go back out into the living room for some more play time. I don't want to have to nurse her to get her to nap because I know that's "bad association", but I'll be darned if that isn't exactly what I have to do most of the time. Everyone else seems to be able to get her to just pop right off to sleep for a nap, though.
Maybe it is just the seperation anxiety... that must be what happens at night, too.
I'm glad Chris puts her to sleep at night, but she knows that I'm not there and he's having a harder time getting her to stop crying. She knows the routine, I don't know why she doesn't go with it and accept that it's daddy time and not mommy time.
But anyway, back to what I was saying in the begining: She's waking up at 12/1am and crying crying crying! In Peru it wasn't hard to handle because her crib was right there, I'd get her before she woke up anyone else and nurse her back to sleep. But I don't want to keep doing that.
I've been sending Chris in to take care of her, but I know it's been wearing on him as well. Tonight was a different night. I decided that since I've got this insomnia (that's been pestering me for a while now, and it's just getting worse since I've been back. I really gotta get this under control) I'd just get her before it got too out of hand and nurse her. So at midnight when she started crying I did just that. I cheated and nursed her back to sleep. But that didn't do the trick this time. She woke up again about 30 minutes later. She's just stopped crying. Almost two hours later. It's so quiet I'm kind of scared.
I tried so hard to console her. I gave her her paci multiple times without avail. I put origel on her gums in case it was tooth pain. I knew it wasn't hunger so I didn't bother nursing. But I did eventually pick her up and try and rock her, sing to her, and walk around with her. She only stoped crying for a second when I started walking... but only a second or two. It was bad. I had to set her down she was squirming so much. I rubbed her belly. She remained "swaddled" in the wombie, but that just seemed to piss her off more (I wonder a little bit if it's the detergent because it got washed with regular stuff rather than Dreft, and it's kind of the first batch of stuff that's got a bit stronger smell to it than normal. Just in case I'm gonna rewash it when I wake up).
I had to just walk away. I called the Blue Cross Baby hotline, but it's really only for pregnancy up till 6 weeks (newborns), so they told me to check for fever and stuff (which she doesn't have). I tried calling my pediatrician, but unless I wanted the emergency triage people I had little options except to wait to call until the morning... which is what I'm going to do.
So, after some pacing, I sat in the living room with tears and the video monitor watching as Erin rolled around and banged her head against things (which only made her cry louder). It was a good hard cry for an hour and a half, and then another 30 minutes of intermitten sobs and short bursts. It always sounds like she's in pain, so I don't know what it could be.
After crying a bit myself, I looked up possible things of what it could be. The internet kept saying "night terrors". Some other suggestions were teething (which the oragel should have fixed almost immediately), seperation anxiety, and gas.
All I know is she's asleep and I'm tired. My mind keeps racing and I've gotta get it under control so I can be a good mom for Erin. I'm just greatful that Chris is able to watch her when she wakes up... I just wish he would get up right away when she gets up. But that's another blog.
I'd better get some sleep... after I check on her. Night.
Let me restart: She was sleeping pretty well through the night, waking up only ever so often at 3-5am and then for the day at 7am. Chris would do hisi daddy duty and put her back to sleep at the 3-5 waking. In Peru she started waking up at around midnight, 3-5am, and 7am. I let this slide because she was not in her own bed, new environment, etc, etc. So I'd just nurse her back to sleep. She did fine and would fall right back until the next time slot.
But now that we are back she has gotten a whole new attitude towards sleeping. I can't get her to nap worth anything. It tires me out and I just can't deal with it sometimes. I cheat and it seems the only way she'll nap is if she nurses... but even then that does not work all the time. She just gets sooo tired! I don't understand, because I put her down at the first signs of sleepiness, and the moment she knows where she's going it's bloody-murder! You'd think I was pinching her all over or something! It's aweful and I just don't know what to do. I get so frustrated... I can barely get myself to walk away sometimes though. Sometimes I just pick her right back out and say "Okay, if you are awake enough to stand in your crib/cry that hard/etc you are gonna just be awake." I'll take her out and we'll go back out into the living room for some more play time. I don't want to have to nurse her to get her to nap because I know that's "bad association", but I'll be darned if that isn't exactly what I have to do most of the time. Everyone else seems to be able to get her to just pop right off to sleep for a nap, though.
Maybe it is just the seperation anxiety... that must be what happens at night, too.
I'm glad Chris puts her to sleep at night, but she knows that I'm not there and he's having a harder time getting her to stop crying. She knows the routine, I don't know why she doesn't go with it and accept that it's daddy time and not mommy time.
But anyway, back to what I was saying in the begining: She's waking up at 12/1am and crying crying crying! In Peru it wasn't hard to handle because her crib was right there, I'd get her before she woke up anyone else and nurse her back to sleep. But I don't want to keep doing that.
I've been sending Chris in to take care of her, but I know it's been wearing on him as well. Tonight was a different night. I decided that since I've got this insomnia (that's been pestering me for a while now, and it's just getting worse since I've been back. I really gotta get this under control) I'd just get her before it got too out of hand and nurse her. So at midnight when she started crying I did just that. I cheated and nursed her back to sleep. But that didn't do the trick this time. She woke up again about 30 minutes later. She's just stopped crying. Almost two hours later. It's so quiet I'm kind of scared.
I tried so hard to console her. I gave her her paci multiple times without avail. I put origel on her gums in case it was tooth pain. I knew it wasn't hunger so I didn't bother nursing. But I did eventually pick her up and try and rock her, sing to her, and walk around with her. She only stoped crying for a second when I started walking... but only a second or two. It was bad. I had to set her down she was squirming so much. I rubbed her belly. She remained "swaddled" in the wombie, but that just seemed to piss her off more (I wonder a little bit if it's the detergent because it got washed with regular stuff rather than Dreft, and it's kind of the first batch of stuff that's got a bit stronger smell to it than normal. Just in case I'm gonna rewash it when I wake up).
I had to just walk away. I called the Blue Cross Baby hotline, but it's really only for pregnancy up till 6 weeks (newborns), so they told me to check for fever and stuff (which she doesn't have). I tried calling my pediatrician, but unless I wanted the emergency triage people I had little options except to wait to call until the morning... which is what I'm going to do.
So, after some pacing, I sat in the living room with tears and the video monitor watching as Erin rolled around and banged her head against things (which only made her cry louder). It was a good hard cry for an hour and a half, and then another 30 minutes of intermitten sobs and short bursts. It always sounds like she's in pain, so I don't know what it could be.
After crying a bit myself, I looked up possible things of what it could be. The internet kept saying "night terrors". Some other suggestions were teething (which the oragel should have fixed almost immediately), seperation anxiety, and gas.
All I know is she's asleep and I'm tired. My mind keeps racing and I've gotta get it under control so I can be a good mom for Erin. I'm just greatful that Chris is able to watch her when she wakes up... I just wish he would get up right away when she gets up. But that's another blog.
I'd better get some sleep... after I check on her. Night.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Beddy Bye
"So Chris put the monitor in the nursery yesterday. And last night would have been the first night Erin slept in her crib overnight, but with thestorm we decided it mightbe best to have her close by. The night came and went without any problems, she slept fine in her basinette for 9 hours straight. I ha to get up and pump a couple of times, but she just slept through everything. I don't know how the transition will be tonight, I'm not scared; just sad, another chapter is over with. Erin reached the milestones I told Chris she would have to meet before I would let her go. I told Chris that Erin would either have to be too big for the basinette or 3 months old. She has hit both, so it' time. **sniff, sniff**"
The above was my journal enry for Erin's diary on the 20th. Erin sleeps fine in the crib, we've had her in it before for naps and such, but not overnight until that Thursday. I don't think she's adjusted to it quite yet, because she's started waking up in the middle of the night again. She wakes up around 2:30-3:30 am and then again at 6:30-7:30 am.
I've watched her on the monitor and waited a while for her to fall back asleep, and she plays for a little bit sometimes, but she starts crying so I go and feed her. People keep saying to let her cry, and I've tried that a couple of times. That does not fly well with me. When she full on cries it's physically painful to me, and a bit scary because she kicks herself up to the head of the crib. I've raced in there a couple of times to keep her from plowing her head further under the bumper which is very very dangerous. I'd much rather just go in calmly when she bleats a couple of times (stating that she's done playing and is ready for food) than not get there in time. I know I'm going against a lot of people's suggestions, and she might grow up to be a bit spoiled because of it, but I'm not tempting it.
It really does physically pain me to hear her cry hard. I can handle the little cries and the whines, but when she is full on screaming... I don't even like being in the house. my stomach drops, my ears feel like they do in an air plane with a sinus infection (like the drums themselves could pop at any moment), and all my muscles tense up. I sometimes have to tell myself to breathe because i will have been holding my breath. Needless to say, I don't let her cry all that often.
I hear different theories: one is the "let them cry" method (aka. Ferberizing), and that works for most people. I just remember when we were taught breastfeeding that crying is the last resort of a child, so I just look for the signs. The less she cries the better for my mind. I know she can sleep through the night because she did so for a while there so I know she will do so again. until then...
The above was my journal enry for Erin's diary on the 20th. Erin sleeps fine in the crib, we've had her in it before for naps and such, but not overnight until that Thursday. I don't think she's adjusted to it quite yet, because she's started waking up in the middle of the night again. She wakes up around 2:30-3:30 am and then again at 6:30-7:30 am.
I've watched her on the monitor and waited a while for her to fall back asleep, and she plays for a little bit sometimes, but she starts crying so I go and feed her. People keep saying to let her cry, and I've tried that a couple of times. That does not fly well with me. When she full on cries it's physically painful to me, and a bit scary because she kicks herself up to the head of the crib. I've raced in there a couple of times to keep her from plowing her head further under the bumper which is very very dangerous. I'd much rather just go in calmly when she bleats a couple of times (stating that she's done playing and is ready for food) than not get there in time. I know I'm going against a lot of people's suggestions, and she might grow up to be a bit spoiled because of it, but I'm not tempting it.
It really does physically pain me to hear her cry hard. I can handle the little cries and the whines, but when she is full on screaming... I don't even like being in the house. my stomach drops, my ears feel like they do in an air plane with a sinus infection (like the drums themselves could pop at any moment), and all my muscles tense up. I sometimes have to tell myself to breathe because i will have been holding my breath. Needless to say, I don't let her cry all that often.
I hear different theories: one is the "let them cry" method (aka. Ferberizing), and that works for most people. I just remember when we were taught breastfeeding that crying is the last resort of a child, so I just look for the signs. The less she cries the better for my mind. I know she can sleep through the night because she did so for a while there so I know she will do so again. until then...
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Deny Deny Deny
Last night I denied Erin food. I feel aweful about it! “I’m such a bad mother… bad wife” bad mother because I fed her for quite some time, and I was sore because she latched on so heartily in the wrong way, so my nipples were really really sore. And after the dinner feeding I didn’t think I could handle another long feeding, and I had finally passed the massive pooh… after Chris had to do the mineral oil suppository. I felt so bad for him having to do such a thing. But I’m very greatful for it! It is something I will have to remember. I think the combination of that and the previous feeding wore me out so much. But she just kept crying and rooting for me. I thought she’d stop once she calmed down, but I guess it took Chris forever to calm her down. I didn’t realize it until I got up that he had taken her into the living room and had to place her in the swing. To keep an eye on her he slept on the couch. What an aweful selfish person I am! I denied my child food and my husband sleep, aweful feelings fall on me now. I was just so tired… not an excuse. It won’t happen again. I promise to never deny her food again!
After saying that, we had the longest feeding ever. On 1 breast at 1 time over an hour (66 min), and almost half an hour on the other. It was a good feeding… no soreness or anything. Great placement, which was good, because I was so engorged from denying her. In fact, I was still able to pump almost 2 oz in each breast (after just 20 minutes… I was going to go a full 30, but I was already at 50 ml! I just can’t believe there’s more left! It’s noon and I’m already starting to fill up again! Just a few more minutes till feeding time anyway.
Still applying diaper rash cream, and noticed a bit of dryness on her stomach around the diaper area. I’m guessing it’s from the alcohol. We should apply the skin cream the doctor told us about.
I was looking at the hearing test thing, and the dogs barking doesn’t bother her… should this worry me? She recognizes voices and looks towards nois, just doesn’t worry with the dogs. I guess it’s a good thing, because we don’t like to kee pt he house quite with her around. It’s good, I guess. Just a bit of a worry wart.
As far as other milestones – Erin has been smiling since day one.
Figuring out this whole breastfeeding thing. Do I feed on demand or on schedule? Was doing schedule, but thinking on demand is probably best.
After saying that, we had the longest feeding ever. On 1 breast at 1 time over an hour (66 min), and almost half an hour on the other. It was a good feeding… no soreness or anything. Great placement, which was good, because I was so engorged from denying her. In fact, I was still able to pump almost 2 oz in each breast (after just 20 minutes… I was going to go a full 30, but I was already at 50 ml! I just can’t believe there’s more left! It’s noon and I’m already starting to fill up again! Just a few more minutes till feeding time anyway.
Still applying diaper rash cream, and noticed a bit of dryness on her stomach around the diaper area. I’m guessing it’s from the alcohol. We should apply the skin cream the doctor told us about.
I was looking at the hearing test thing, and the dogs barking doesn’t bother her… should this worry me? She recognizes voices and looks towards nois, just doesn’t worry with the dogs. I guess it’s a good thing, because we don’t like to kee pt he house quite with her around. It’s good, I guess. Just a bit of a worry wart.
As far as other milestones – Erin has been smiling since day one.
Figuring out this whole breastfeeding thing. Do I feed on demand or on schedule? Was doing schedule, but thinking on demand is probably best.
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