Beddy Bye

"So Chris put the monitor in the nursery yesterday. And last night would have been the first night Erin slept in her crib overnight, but with thestorm we decided it mightbe best to have her close by. The night came and went without any problems, she slept fine in her basinette for 9 hours straight. I ha to get up and pump a couple of times, but she just slept through everything. I don't know how the transition will be tonight, I'm not scared; just sad, another chapter is over with. Erin reached the milestones I told Chris she would have to meet before I would let her go. I told Chris that Erin would either have to be too big for the basinette or 3 months old. She has hit both, so it' time. **sniff, sniff**"
The above was my journal enry for Erin's diary on the 20th. Erin sleeps fine in the crib, we've had her in it before for naps and such, but not overnight until that Thursday. I don't think she's adjusted to it quite yet, because she's started waking up in the middle of the night again. She wakes up around 2:30-3:30 am and then again at 6:30-7:30 am.
I've watched her on the monitor and waited a while for her to fall back asleep, and she plays for a little bit sometimes, but she starts crying so I go and feed her. People keep saying to let her cry, and I've tried that a couple of times. That does not fly well with me. When she full on cries it's physically painful to me, and a bit scary because she kicks herself up to the head of the crib. I've raced in there a couple of times to keep her from plowing her head further under the bumper which is very very dangerous. I'd much rather just go in calmly when she bleats a couple of times (stating that she's done playing and is ready for food) than not get there in time. I know I'm going against a lot of people's suggestions, and she might grow up to be a bit spoiled because of it, but I'm not tempting it.
It really does physically pain me to hear her cry hard. I can handle the little cries and the whines, but when she is full on screaming... I don't even like being in the house. my stomach drops, my ears feel like they do in an air plane with a sinus infection (like the drums themselves could pop at any moment), and all my muscles tense up. I sometimes have to tell myself to breathe because i will have been holding my breath. Needless to say, I don't let her cry all that often.
I hear different theories: one is the "let them cry" method (aka. Ferberizing), and that works for most people. I just remember when we were taught breastfeeding that crying is the last resort of a child, so I just look for the signs. The less she cries the better for my mind. I know she can sleep through the night because she did so for a while there so I know she will do so again. until then...