Little Miss Fussy-Butt

Today she was moody, yesterday she was fussy and she's been all over trying and pushing boundaries... all part of growing up.
Yesterday was just another Sunday that was difficult. I don't know why it's Sundays, but those are usually her worst days. Maybe we just do too much the week before. But yesterday was another one of those days. I thought it'd be good, but she's teething so is fussy. I had to keep telling her no, which made her throw fits and cry... and I just don't know what to do when she does that. It makes me feel helpless. I couldn't find my car keys, or purse, and was trying to get ready for church. Erin wouldn't let me change her dirty diaper, or change her outfit (which turned out to be too small so I had to chase her around and change her outfit again!). Then when I put the dogs away, she went in and let them out and got mad when I wouldn't let her and had to physically take her out of the room. She put stuff in the tub and turned on the water (in my bathroom) as well as put her hands in a toilet to retrieve some toys she just dropped in. When I picked her up to wash her hands she got mad and crying. I got so much snot on my sunday clothes... but I was worried when I was washing her hands that I was hurting her because I had to push her into the sink to hold her up (I only have so many hands). I was worried about her stomach. Not a good morning. I felt rushed and frustrated. But was able to keep my cool through most of it (except in finding my purse... didn't find it until today).
But like I said, it wasn't a day I couldn't handle, which made it a good day. I jsut have to remember, she's just a baby and it's not her fault. This is a learning experience for her and it's better that she learn things she's not supposed to do now rather than when she's older. (I had to deal with this a little today with the dog food and electrical outlets). It's hard to keep that in mind and know what to do. I slap away her hand and she just keeps going back no matter how often I say no she just doesn't listen. She doesn't even acknowledge me when I say her name to get her attention. I just need to remember it's nothing personal, she's learning and I love her. Then when she reacts negatively to my repremands (her crying fits) I just have to walk away. I can't let that affect me either. Just make sure she's away from the bad things and go away until she calms down. I can explain it to her why, but I can't do what I want to (pick her up and comfort her crying) because that's negative reinforncement of what I want to teach.
I'm not saying that she shouldn't be held when she cries, on the contrary that's the first thing I want to do and often do do. When she gets hurt or scared or is tired and just needs to cry, I hold her and comfort her (now I immitate her saying "rock the baby" as I rock her in my arms). But I can't do that when she's crying because she's mad she can't do something she wants to that I don't want her to do. It's not fair to her to let her think that just because I tell her something "no"-wise doesn't mean she can't get out of it if she cries. I can't let in to my first reactions... and that's hard with a crying baby that I love. I do feel bad for her, but I know she's got to learn. I never understood that train of thought until I had a child. I just hope I can stay calm and keep my cool through this learning phase. Erin, I love you, you are so smart, I know you will learn quickly and easily. Just be patient with mama.

Erin Teething

So it feels like Erin's been teething for the last few months, because every time she throws a fit, sleeps too long, has a fever, gets off in any way that is the excuse: "Oh, don't worry. She's just teething." seems to explain everything.
And as true as it may be, it's just... when will it end? I don't know why but when she started teething I just assumed it would be those first few, and then there'd be a break before the next few came in... and then another break... and then some more and another break.
I don't know why I'd assume something like that. I didn't really assume it, but I didn't really think otherwise. I didn't think that she would just KEEP teething. I don't know why I wouldn't, it makes logical sense, but it just didn't really hit me. Just one of those things.
She's getting her back molars in right now, and I've never seen her go at stuff chewing like she has been. I thought she'd chew through her teethers! She usually doesn't like the frozen ones, but she has gone for them like nothing else these last few days.

A Letter to Both

Erin and PJ,
My darling dears, when you are old enough to read this blog I hope you see the good outweighing the bad. I have had my bad times and I don't want you to think it's your fault. It is never your fault. I just get so exhausted, frustraited, etc. Please realize my happy memories outweigh my bad ones. I hope yours do, too. Even now, I'm sitting here smirking a bit as I hear Erin tossing and turning and can feel PJ doing the same inside me.
I'm sorry if it has caused any problems with you down the line. I hope you have had a happy life and that I have taken part in it for the best. I love you both so very much. I hope you see that over everything else.
I love you,
Mama