Deny Deny Deny

Last night I denied Erin food. I feel aweful about it! “I’m such a bad mother… bad wife” bad mother because I fed her for quite some time, and I was sore because she latched on so heartily in the wrong way, so my nipples were really really sore. And after the dinner feeding I didn’t think I could handle another long feeding, and I had finally passed the massive pooh… after Chris had to do the mineral oil suppository. I felt so bad for him having to do such a thing. But I’m very greatful for it! It is something I will have to remember. I think the combination of that and the previous feeding wore me out so much. But she just kept crying and rooting for me. I thought she’d stop once she calmed down, but I guess it took Chris forever to calm her down. I didn’t realize it until I got up that he had taken her into the living room and had to place her in the swing. To keep an eye on her he slept on the couch. What an aweful selfish person I am! I denied my child food and my husband sleep, aweful feelings fall on me now. I was just so tired… not an excuse. It won’t happen again. I promise to never deny her food again!
After saying that, we had the longest feeding ever. On 1 breast at 1 time over an hour (66 min), and almost half an hour on the other. It was a good feeding… no soreness or anything. Great placement, which was good, because I was so engorged from denying her. In fact, I was still able to pump almost 2 oz in each breast (after just 20 minutes… I was going to go a full 30, but I was already at 50 ml! I just can’t believe there’s more left! It’s noon and I’m already starting to fill up again! Just a few more minutes till feeding time anyway.
Still applying diaper rash cream, and noticed a bit of dryness on her stomach around the diaper area. I’m guessing it’s from the alcohol. We should apply the skin cream the doctor told us about.
I was looking at the hearing test thing, and the dogs barking doesn’t bother her… should this worry me? She recognizes voices and looks towards nois, just doesn’t worry with the dogs. I guess it’s a good thing, because we don’t like to kee pt he house quite with her around. It’s good, I guess. Just a bit of a worry wart.
As far as other milestones – Erin has been smiling since day one.
Figuring out this whole breastfeeding thing. Do I feed on demand or on schedule? Was doing schedule, but thinking on demand is probably best.