LBG's Big Day

Well, LBG's big due date has come and gone, and now it's the date of induction. I'm so very nervous and scared. I cried last night for a good little while while Chris comforted me. Stupid hormones. It's just such a scary thing. I mean, it's not. A lot of people go through it, and over half of all pregnancies go past the EDD. But it scares me. I don't know why. But part of me already feels like a failure as a mother. I know it's silly and sad that I think this, and it's only a very small part of the thoughts that creep into my head. I know it's fully not justified in thinking and that I'll be a damn good mom, but that doesn't stop the thought from approaching. It makes me cry every time. And I know this is not my fault, I know that it's no one's fault. It's just God's will, and there is a reason for it. I'm just so scared.
It's odd, I think I was less scared thinking that I'd just randomly go into labor. It's odd that the controled way is what scares me. I think it's because I am actually thinking about the process. My mind goes through the steps of what will happen, rather than just going "and I could just go into labor at any time" and not think about what the steps are. When I was watching for the signs of labor I had to keep my mind there, in the present, in case I missed a sign. But now, I have time to think... and that's never a good idea.
I'm fine, and please don't worry. Just keep me in your prayers. I know God will give me the strength to get through this, and that He'd never give me anything I can't handle. I'm just scared is all, and I wanted to note the feelings for myself for later reference. So if I start crying in your presence, please understand: it's not you, and I know I shouldn't be worried. I'm just scared. And I know the outcome will be such a great joy it will overwhelm these feelings I have right now. I think the worst part right now is the waiting. But LBG will come and all will be good.