Sometimes I feel like a character on one of those cop shows and that I should be wearing an ankle bracelet. Since Chris has made the request that I no longer drive, I feel trapped sometimes. Which is weird, since I go out almost daily. I just feel I can't do it on my own.
At first I was like "who do you think you are?! Telling me, a wonderfully independent woman, what to do? Telling me I can't drive my own vehicle?!" But the closer I get to the due date, the more I understand. I don't want to be stuck in Tulsa's traffic with contractions going. I know very very few people really have babies on the side of the road in the back of their vehicle (unless you go by movie statistics). But that doesn't stop me from worrying about the actual contractions happening then. I mean, right now I get 1 to 2 contractions a day, but they've started coming at random times (yes, Braxton Hicks). So I don't want one of them to come while I'm driving and take away my concentration.
But all that doesn't stop me from feeling trapped sometimes. I felt so overwhelmed the other day, a couple of days after the shower. I kept looking around the house at what needed (what I wanted) to be done, and realizing I couldn't do it myself. I couldn't lift the boxes, I couldn't bend over to pick up stuff, I couldn't drive anywhere to get away... I felt completely useless... and helpless. It's not a fun feeling and it's hard to grasp sometimes. But I have been blessed to have people come out and help me.
Unfortunately, that's one of the things that made me feel like a prisoner, too. I'm never alone! N-E-V-E-R! Last night was the first time I didn't have a "changing of the guards" and actually had a few hours to myself... of course, I didn't know what to do with myself, but that's besides the point.
No comments:
Post a Comment