PPD

Okay, so it's been hitting me hard this week. There are times when I just want to scream and yell at Erin to shut up! Times when she's so tired (and I'm so tired) that she won't go to sleep and she just cries so hard. It scares me what I will/can/do do. I try not to think about it, I try not to act on things... but it's hard. I love her so much, but I get so frustrated. I don't know how to explain it, because I'm trying not to think about it.

It started last Thursday and has lasted through this week. It got so bad that by Sunday I was ready to just hand her over to whomever. I just wanted to drop her off and never come back. Monday I went to see Dr. Janet. I told her my feelings. oye. It's hard. I've calmed down but I still... oye.

And being depressed I haven't eaten as well as I should or drank as much as I should, and it was affecting my milk supply. I told Chris my milk was low and it was hurting to nurse her. He made me feel so guilty. It's not like I knew what I was doing! I don't want to hurt her... and I didn't mean to if I did. And I hate how Chris made me feel about the low milk. I didn't realize I wasn't eating or drinking enough until today. I mean, I was depressed! I didn't notice. So now I have to really watch it.