Hit #2

So Erin gave me a bit of a scare today. She hit her head and scraped it up pretty good. She was playing at the dog door (which I watch her when she's at) and decided to go out it. This proceeded into a very nasty fall on her head. She got a big bump and a small cut. She immediately started crying... so hard she stopped making noise. It scared me sooo badly! I swooped her up and took her to the ER, but on my way there, she stopped crying and seemed to be calm... almost a little too calm and almost fell asleep. It worried me so much, but when I got there, she wasn't bothered very much by the bump. So I took her to the pediatrician instead (in the adjourning building... if it hadn't been I might have taken her to the minor emergency instead). She got in fairly fast (which is better than what I can say if I had taken her to the ER), and the doc said she was good and doing fine, just to watch her for the next 24 hours for anything weird. So, she is fine and doing well.

First Halloween

So yesterday was Erin's first Halloween... and she slept through it!
We went over to Gammy and Gran'pa's to finish carving our pumpkins, have dinner, and start our trick-or-treating at their neighborhood. She started acting tired right after she ate her dinner while we were finishing up the carving and before the hot dogs were on the grill. So we thought it was a good idea for her to take a nap before the night's festivities really got underway... and that way we could eat a bit beforehand as well. So, she went down for her nap while we finished up then ate dinner.




Then we were ready to go... but she wasn't up yet. So, we stayed around and Chris helped hand out candy for a while and I waited for her to wake up... she slept until close to 10, so it was too late to trick-or-treat by the time we decided to go ahead and get her up so we could take her home. Sorry, folks. No awesomely cute halloween costume pictures this year (although I might take some post-halloween ones).
I guess her onsie was appropriate: "Too cute to spook."



But that didn't stop Patty from dressing up and spooking some kids!

Catch Up

Wow, it's been a while since I've blogged! Sorry folks. Everything is okay. I've been having some stomach and throat trouble, but not as bad as Chris! He was home this last weekend with... big problems. But he went to the doctor and got fixed up. He's feeling much better.

We've been able to keep the viruses away from Erin, so that's a really good thing.

She's doing fabulous, too.

in a nutshell here's what's been going on:

She's entered into the Gap Casting Call,

she gets her 9 month check up in a couple weeks

The darker side

While I was pregnant, I was not depressed. I was off medication for any and all mental problems (OCD, anxiety, and bi-polar). I had no problems (except some expected anxiety). Even after I gave birth to Erin I still didn't take medicine, nore did I feel a need for it. Erin was my "Prozac". I love her so much. But almost immediately when she turned 6 months, my period came back... and that's when I started experiencing depression. It wasn't just any old depression, it was PMDD. At the time I didn't know that's what it was, but that's what the doctors say it was. I had aweful thoughts: Suicide, hurting Erin, etc. It was not a good time. But just like that, it seemed to go away and I felt better... Cut to one month later, and the depression is back. This has happened right before each of my periods, each time worse than the last. That was another way they knew it was PMDD, because it came and went with my periods. It's such a scary thing, and I would silently suffer through it because I was so afraid someone would take away my baby if I told them what was going through my mind. But, at other times, I instinctively knew that it was better for her to be away from me, so I would try to give her to people to keep her away from me. Whatever you do, don't be afraid to tell someone.

Chris' Birthday

For Chris' birthday this year we went down to Dallas (Frisco, actually) and purchased him the media center he's been wanting.

It's from Ikea and he's been looking at it for a while now. I figured we needed it now to cover up the cords to keep them away from Erin.
So Chris and I left Erin with her Gammy and Granpa on Chris' birthday and drove the whole 4 hours down. Then we walked around the Ikea for a few hours (due excersize after being in the car that long!). With some extra birthday money he had we were able to upgrade it a little and get a few extras we had been eyeing. We were even able to get a huge picture we had both been talking about since the last time we went (I was surprised they still had it!) to go in the living room.

We stayed the night and came back the next day. Chris had a meeting even though it was his day off, so he didn't get to jump in and work on it right away.

But for the past couple of days he's been able to do little bits and pieces.

Erin helps out ever so often, and I... well I just sit back and make sure neither of them poke their eye out.



I'm so excited to see what it looks like when it's done! He's off work today, with no forseable meetings (but I do have a dr. apt that he has to watch Erin during), so he should be able to finish it today... at least mostly. I'm so excited! I think I'm more excited than he is!

Getting Organized

So I have this great lady coming over every few days to help me organize the place, and today we worked on the Garage. Erin came out and helped a bit.

Officially Teething

Erin is officially teething. She's been lethargic all day, and has been sleeping like magic (took a three-hour nap today). She's drooling and refusing food (so I've been nursing her a lot more). She's currently got a fever of 101.3... but since she's older than 6 months we're not supposed to call unless it reaches 103. We're worried about her, but are pretty sure it's just teething. Poor thing.

Sleep Crying

So, I've posted before about how bad Erin is about taking naps and going to bed right now because of her anxiety about being away from me. I just had to document today: I did the whole wait and let her cry... but that didn't seem to work. It started out trying to let her nap. Then the back and forth of going in and checking on her went to longer than her normal nap... then we were both a bit stubborn. It was 3 hours before I gave in and went and got her. It was so sad. I went in at the 2-5-10-15 minute increments to check on her, and had the monitor on constantly. She just kept standing up and holding on to the side of the crib to cry out. Each time I went in, I'd take her and lay her down, put a pacifier in, tell her I loved her, and variations of calming her down. But every time I started to leave the room (Even before I got out) she'd start screaming out and go to a standing position. She was sooo tired by the end of it, I just kept thinking she'd go to sleep, but she never did. I felt so bad for her. I hadn't realized how long we had been going back and forth on this until I looked up and realized what time it was! It had been three hours! I felt so bad (it was from when Patty dropped her off, I fed her thinking she'd fall asleep nursing, but she didn't so I took her out to play, but she was visibly tired, so I took her to her crib, and that's when it started about 4. It was around 7 when I went and took her out. I held her to help her fall asleep, but she just started babbling to me, so I figured she was awake in spite of herself). I figured she could eat and whatnot. I fed her some fresh applesauce (I had made it during the crying), she acted like she wanted to play a little, so we did. She was so pathetic, barely could hold herself up but she was determined to have fun. So I wasn't sure if she'd eat anything, since I'd just nursed her again, but she must have worked herself up an appetite. I decided to be a bit nice and not put her in the highchair to eat. Instead I just brought the food down to her where she had been playing. She enjoyed it, and got a bit on her face and hands, so it quickly became bathtime.
Now, Chris and I had discussed redoing her schedule a bit and doing: feeding, bathtime, and then playtime till she told us she was tired. This was because she was getting so tired at dinnertime that bathtimes were no longer enjoyable. So I was supposed to empliment this tonight, but it didn't happen because she was so tired. I didn't even put her in the bath. I ran the water and stripped her down, but just kept her on my lap where she was clinging to me for dear life. I took one of our glove washclothes and wiped her down. It was good, she didn't cry at all, but she was very tired. Mom came in and lotioned her where she was. She still seemed to be fighting going to sleep, which didn't bother me because I had already said to myself I'd let her play if she felt like it after we were done. But when I put on a new diaper she started to fall asleep. So I just rocked her a little bit and sang to her. There was little fight after that. So far it's 10:30 and she's already woken up once. She's just so tired! But its because she's so smart and curious she always wants to know what's going on (and where I am). I hope she gets a good nights sleep.
I'm not going to fight her on naps again. That was too hard for both of us, and I think I made my point to her. I'll just do what I normally do. If she's awake enough to scream she's awake enough to play (During the day only of course). Basically, if she screams when I put her to sleep for naptime and she doesn't stop I go in try once to set her down, but if she continues I take her out and we continue playing. She'll eventually give me the signal again and we try again. Sometimes I have to try three or four times, but eventually she goes without arguing.
I just felt bad about today. I just wanted to stand my ground on the thing, but I should have reminded myself that that's for bedtime and not naps.

Clingy Child

Erin's going through Seperation Anxiety. It gets worse every day. I'm working on it. It's harder for her to take naps lately because of it. Oye.

Sleepless Nights

Right now I'm suffering from insomnia (as you can tell by the time stamp on this post), but it is not due directly to Erin. But because I'm awake already I've been the one going and checking on her.
Let me restart: She was sleeping pretty well through the night, waking up only ever so often at 3-5am and then for the day at 7am. Chris would do hisi daddy duty and put her back to sleep at the 3-5 waking. In Peru she started waking up at around midnight, 3-5am, and 7am. I let this slide because she was not in her own bed, new environment, etc, etc. So I'd just nurse her back to sleep. She did fine and would fall right back until the next time slot.
But now that we are back she has gotten a whole new attitude towards sleeping. I can't get her to nap worth anything. It tires me out and I just can't deal with it sometimes. I cheat and it seems the only way she'll nap is if she nurses... but even then that does not work all the time. She just gets sooo tired! I don't understand, because I put her down at the first signs of sleepiness, and the moment she knows where she's going it's bloody-murder! You'd think I was pinching her all over or something! It's aweful and I just don't know what to do. I get so frustrated... I can barely get myself to walk away sometimes though. Sometimes I just pick her right back out and say "Okay, if you are awake enough to stand in your crib/cry that hard/etc you are gonna just be awake." I'll take her out and we'll go back out into the living room for some more play time. I don't want to have to nurse her to get her to nap because I know that's "bad association", but I'll be darned if that isn't exactly what I have to do most of the time. Everyone else seems to be able to get her to just pop right off to sleep for a nap, though.
Maybe it is just the seperation anxiety... that must be what happens at night, too.
I'm glad Chris puts her to sleep at night, but she knows that I'm not there and he's having a harder time getting her to stop crying. She knows the routine, I don't know why she doesn't go with it and accept that it's daddy time and not mommy time.
But anyway, back to what I was saying in the begining: She's waking up at 12/1am and crying crying crying! In Peru it wasn't hard to handle because her crib was right there, I'd get her before she woke up anyone else and nurse her back to sleep. But I don't want to keep doing that.
I've been sending Chris in to take care of her, but I know it's been wearing on him as well. Tonight was a different night. I decided that since I've got this insomnia (that's been pestering me for a while now, and it's just getting worse since I've been back. I really gotta get this under control) I'd just get her before it got too out of hand and nurse her. So at midnight when she started crying I did just that. I cheated and nursed her back to sleep. But that didn't do the trick this time. She woke up again about 30 minutes later. She's just stopped crying. Almost two hours later. It's so quiet I'm kind of scared.
I tried so hard to console her. I gave her her paci multiple times without avail. I put origel on her gums in case it was tooth pain. I knew it wasn't hunger so I didn't bother nursing. But I did eventually pick her up and try and rock her, sing to her, and walk around with her. She only stoped crying for a second when I started walking... but only a second or two. It was bad. I had to set her down she was squirming so much. I rubbed her belly. She remained "swaddled" in the wombie, but that just seemed to piss her off more (I wonder a little bit if it's the detergent because it got washed with regular stuff rather than Dreft, and it's kind of the first batch of stuff that's got a bit stronger smell to it than normal. Just in case I'm gonna rewash it when I wake up).
I had to just walk away. I called the Blue Cross Baby hotline, but it's really only for pregnancy up till 6 weeks (newborns), so they told me to check for fever and stuff (which she doesn't have). I tried calling my pediatrician, but unless I wanted the emergency triage people I had little options except to wait to call until the morning... which is what I'm going to do.
So, after some pacing, I sat in the living room with tears and the video monitor watching as Erin rolled around and banged her head against things (which only made her cry louder). It was a good hard cry for an hour and a half, and then another 30 minutes of intermitten sobs and short bursts. It always sounds like she's in pain, so I don't know what it could be.
After crying a bit myself, I looked up possible things of what it could be. The internet kept saying "night terrors". Some other suggestions were teething (which the oragel should have fixed almost immediately), seperation anxiety, and gas.
All I know is she's asleep and I'm tired. My mind keeps racing and I've gotta get it under control so I can be a good mom for Erin. I'm just greatful that Chris is able to watch her when she wakes up... I just wish he would get up right away when she gets up. But that's another blog.
I'd better get some sleep... after I check on her. Night.

Letter to Erin - # 4

Erin,

May I whisper something in your ear? I love you. It's so true. I know I have many names for you that might sound demeaning, but I hope you have found them endearing: Monkey face, monkey butt, hairy butt, little butt-butt, stinky (butt), stinky-meninky, cutie patutie/fatutie, munchkin, my rosebud, my pressious, little princess,.. but most of all: Mine. I am so greatful that God has given you to me to have and protect and help grow in His glory and light. I cannot say it enough: you are the best thing that has happened in my life and I thank God every day for you. You are my everything. And I know you will read this years and years down the line but I just want to be able to tell you how much I love you. Right now you are almost 7 months (and my! how that time has flown!) and I don't understand why people say that I'm spoiling you. I don't think it's possible at this age, even for someone as intelligent as you are. I don't think it's wrong for me to come get you when you state that you are no longer willing to be where you are, especially when you cannot get out. It's my duty to do this and ease your storm before it hits. I want you to know that in spite of people constantly saying I caudle you and whatnot, I love you and don't care what they think, as long as you feel protected, I am here. If you are safe, I will let you be. But if you ever don't feel comfortable, even in the basic ways of feeling tired or hungry, I am here for you and will not make you wait long at all for those needs to be met.

This last trip has really gotten me. My tounge cannot always grasp words, and though I may call you a smattering of those names, please remember: you are mine, and I am yours. You are my Erin. And though I cannot always put those words together they are forever true. And that I love you. I hope this makes sense one day.

I love you,

Love,

Mama/Me

Green Dress Beauty

Falling Asleep at the Meal

OMG! Erin was so super cute, it was just a few minutes ago, at lunch. I was feeding her and she kept zoning in and out, staring off at things and whatnot (she had a staring contest with Ursila) and chewing extra long time on her spoon. I just figured she wasn't really that hungry (Because she wasn't acting hungry beforehand, I just decided that since we were all going to eat, she should sit down and eat with us)... that was until this happened!

She just started closing her eyes, and zzzzzzzzzzzzzz!! It was sooo cute! We all started laughing so loudly that she slightly woke up, but went right back down. I had to run and get the camera, when I got back she woke up again, and then went right back down! It's the first time I've seen her this tired since she was a newborn. Even when we got her out of her highchair and I lifted her out, she rubbed at her eyes, so I was thinking she wouldn't go back to sleep, but then she fell asleep on my shoulder before we even got all the way down the hall to the bedroom! That was a first, and soooo cute! Definete "awe" moment!

You see, she does get tired at the dinner table, but usually she fusses and rubs her eyes. And when she gets super fussy, I take her out because she's done eating at that moment, but this time there was no fussing, no messy hands rubbing her eyes, just eyes dropping and the *plop!* head drops!

First Class International Flight

Erin and I arrived first class in Peru with Pop-Pop. It was a long flight but Erin did great. She slept most of the way. Pop-Pop convinced the flight person to let us take her car seat on board with us. We had to have it put away during take-off and landing, but it was nice to be able to put her in it while we were eating. I had to hold her more than I would have because all the turbulance, but that was alright. It was nice. Pop-Pop held her for a bit as well. I wish I would have been able to take a picture! (but my camera was in the overhead) It was so cute, he was asleep holding her on a pillow, and the pillow had visible the "first class" embrodiery on it.

Bob Esponja: un Operetta

We got this finger puppet for S $1 (which equals about 30 cents US) at the local market and Erin has gone crazy for it!

It is one of her new favorite toys! She sings to it all the time.


"Really, Mom? Another picture?"

Day 1: Pop-Pop and Peru

Erin and I arrived with Pop-Pop to a happy Nana. I got to nap a bit while they had fun playing around.

Auntie Jen & Uncle Don

Erin and I took a late flight to Houston and stay overnight. We were lucky that Jen and Don live there and were so amazing to led us spend the night at their wonderful home. Pop-Pop and Jen met us at the airport. When we got there Don made us steaks and we had a great dinner. It was so nice to stay somewhere familiar rather than a hotel.

They even provided us with plug covers so when Erin crawled around she didn't hurt her curious self. Erin had a lot of fun climbing all over the furniture with her Auntie Jen.

The next morning Jen made us breakfast before Pop-Pop came and picked me up for the flight to Peru.

It was so nice to see Jen and Don.

PPD getting better

It doesn't bother me when people that have never had kids say that they don't understand how someone could shake a baby... but it does bother me when a parent says it. It bothers me because I found it hard sometimes when I would get frustrated. Please understand how hard that is to say. I love Erin soooo much! But I'd be tired (and in pain sometimes) and she'd be so tired she'd be crying so hard and wouldn't go to sleep... and when they tell you to gently shake/rock the baby to sooth her... I can see how it could easily get out of hand. I never let it, but I can see how it happens.

Anyway, I tried to explain to someone the other day how easy it would be, and they were adimant about how they felt. I felt soooo bad. I felt like the worst person ever. I thought people knew how it felt that had kids.

Today it didn't bother me... which was a nice surprise. It bothered me, but it didn't bother me like that. I wanted to cry with her, because I felt bad for how she was feeling. I felt empathetic instead of frustrated... which was a very nice change. A releif, to say the least.

Erin's First Air Travel

Chris and I were given the opportunity to take Erin on her first plane ride today. Yes, it was for a very sad occassion, but I am greatful I was able to take her on her first trip alongside Chris.

Erin helped me do some last minute packing:


Our timing to the airplane was a bit off, but we still made it to the airport with time to spare. Erin decided to chill out with her toys, but waited wide-eyed with anticipation.


We were lucky enough to be able to board before most people, which was nice, because then we were able to sit in the same seat on every flight (the second to last seat in back left). Every flight was sold out (but luckily in the second one somebody didn't show, so we got a free seat next to us) there and back. But I took some pictures on the first one before everyone got seated:

Chris shared some water with her:


I nursed her on the way up and on the way down on all flights, but normally when I cover her while nursing she tries to expose me, so we decided to "bind" her hands by putting her in this really cool swaddle called a "Woombie". She ended up falling asleep durring the second flight, so we laid her in the extra seat for a minute or two.

While she was awake she played a lot... she was very squirmy towards the end.



She did really well, didn't cry at all! A major success. The only thing was when she started getting squirmy from being couped up all that time.