Stupid question

So my husband asked the most idiotic question last night:
Why are you always so tired?
I guess he thinks that because the kids nap I do too; or maybe it's that in spite of all my efforts to clean the house still looks like a pig stye; or maybe it's because even though I slaved over making him a homemade Bavarian apple torte for his birthday I still didn't manage to get dinner ready on time. I am not sure which of these reasons caused him to ask such a question, but he did.
So, why am I always so tired? Do you really want me to open that floodgate? Ok, here it goes!
Bullet point number one (yes, I know I could have just put one here but I wanted to emphasize the importance of this one): I am a mother of two (under two), five if you count my husband and dogs, who is current ill yet somehow manages to get what little work around the house done that she can while still maintaining a social life for her family.
I realize there isn't much needed for a social life for my kids but I do drive to and from preschool for Erin and have been taking Paul to the doctor multiple times this month. So even though I'm a stay-at-home mom I have barely been at my house. And as far as the kids napping... They do not do so at the same time. In fact they are perfectly synced so that when one goes down the other wakes up ready to eat and play. I'm exhausted and ready to nap when you get home
(posted 9/23/11)

Dunking the cookie

Today and yesterday have been hard days for me, emotionally. It has been physically draining. But I can only blame myself.
Sometimes I forget Erin is just a child ... Not even that! She's barely "not a baby" anymore! But I forget it so easily and lately it's been dampening us both. She is just so advanced it is easy to forget how young she is. No, I don't think of her as a college student or anything, but someone closer to 5 maybe... Closer than how close to 1 she really is. She's not even two! And yet I treat her like I do and expect things I shouldn't from a baby. And I feel guilty for doing so.
She is so special and I don't do enough with her to help her feel that way. These last couple of days I feel like all I do with her is discipline when I need to realize that she doesn't know certain things in this world and life. Shes never had to experience them and is doing so for the first time ever. It's hard for me to remember what that's like.
I had a slight epiphany tonight when I was eating with Chris: we had enjoyed dinner and I decided to make cookies for dessert. Erin was already in bed and had been there quite some time from an early bedtime. Anyway I had made some pretty perfect cookies, if I so say so myself. They were crisp yet chewy. When Chris got his drink he brought milk to dunk them in. I realized I had never ever dunked (or even thought about doing so) chocolate chip cookies in milk before. I mean, I had done it to Oreos and fudge covered graham cracker cookies, but never chocolate chip, in spite always seeing that depicted in movies and hearing about it in books. It was just something I hadn't done. So tonight, I did so. It was pretty amazing. A new experience well into my twenties. And it clicked: this is what it's like for Erin every day... Heck, every minute! Every time she does something it is for the first time (or close to it).
I had felt guilty for a good part of the day for similar thoughts but wasn't able to relate. All I could do was say "she's just a baby and it's all new". And it was hard. It still is hard to remember that. I forget that she's never interacted with things and take it for granted that I have.