Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Paul's appetite
Paul is a great eater. And I'm so very grateful. Thank you heather for your prayers. It was something I hadn't even thought about praying about.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Little Miss Fussy-Butt
Today she was moody, yesterday she was fussy and she's been all over trying and pushing boundaries... all part of growing up.
Yesterday was just another Sunday that was difficult. I don't know why it's Sundays, but those are usually her worst days. Maybe we just do too much the week before. But yesterday was another one of those days. I thought it'd be good, but she's teething so is fussy. I had to keep telling her no, which made her throw fits and cry... and I just don't know what to do when she does that. It makes me feel helpless. I couldn't find my car keys, or purse, and was trying to get ready for church. Erin wouldn't let me change her dirty diaper, or change her outfit (which turned out to be too small so I had to chase her around and change her outfit again!). Then when I put the dogs away, she went in and let them out and got mad when I wouldn't let her and had to physically take her out of the room. She put stuff in the tub and turned on the water (in my bathroom) as well as put her hands in a toilet to retrieve some toys she just dropped in. When I picked her up to wash her hands she got mad and crying. I got so much snot on my sunday clothes... but I was worried when I was washing her hands that I was hurting her because I had to push her into the sink to hold her up (I only have so many hands). I was worried about her stomach. Not a good morning. I felt rushed and frustrated. But was able to keep my cool through most of it (except in finding my purse... didn't find it until today).
But like I said, it wasn't a day I couldn't handle, which made it a good day. I jsut have to remember, she's just a baby and it's not her fault. This is a learning experience for her and it's better that she learn things she's not supposed to do now rather than when she's older. (I had to deal with this a little today with the dog food and electrical outlets). It's hard to keep that in mind and know what to do. I slap away her hand and she just keeps going back no matter how often I say no she just doesn't listen. She doesn't even acknowledge me when I say her name to get her attention. I just need to remember it's nothing personal, she's learning and I love her. Then when she reacts negatively to my repremands (her crying fits) I just have to walk away. I can't let that affect me either. Just make sure she's away from the bad things and go away until she calms down. I can explain it to her why, but I can't do what I want to (pick her up and comfort her crying) because that's negative reinforncement of what I want to teach.
I'm not saying that she shouldn't be held when she cries, on the contrary that's the first thing I want to do and often do do. When she gets hurt or scared or is tired and just needs to cry, I hold her and comfort her (now I immitate her saying "rock the baby" as I rock her in my arms). But I can't do that when she's crying because she's mad she can't do something she wants to that I don't want her to do. It's not fair to her to let her think that just because I tell her something "no"-wise doesn't mean she can't get out of it if she cries. I can't let in to my first reactions... and that's hard with a crying baby that I love. I do feel bad for her, but I know she's got to learn. I never understood that train of thought until I had a child. I just hope I can stay calm and keep my cool through this learning phase. Erin, I love you, you are so smart, I know you will learn quickly and easily. Just be patient with mama.
Yesterday was just another Sunday that was difficult. I don't know why it's Sundays, but those are usually her worst days. Maybe we just do too much the week before. But yesterday was another one of those days. I thought it'd be good, but she's teething so is fussy. I had to keep telling her no, which made her throw fits and cry... and I just don't know what to do when she does that. It makes me feel helpless. I couldn't find my car keys, or purse, and was trying to get ready for church. Erin wouldn't let me change her dirty diaper, or change her outfit (which turned out to be too small so I had to chase her around and change her outfit again!). Then when I put the dogs away, she went in and let them out and got mad when I wouldn't let her and had to physically take her out of the room. She put stuff in the tub and turned on the water (in my bathroom) as well as put her hands in a toilet to retrieve some toys she just dropped in. When I picked her up to wash her hands she got mad and crying. I got so much snot on my sunday clothes... but I was worried when I was washing her hands that I was hurting her because I had to push her into the sink to hold her up (I only have so many hands). I was worried about her stomach. Not a good morning. I felt rushed and frustrated. But was able to keep my cool through most of it (except in finding my purse... didn't find it until today).
But like I said, it wasn't a day I couldn't handle, which made it a good day. I jsut have to remember, she's just a baby and it's not her fault. This is a learning experience for her and it's better that she learn things she's not supposed to do now rather than when she's older. (I had to deal with this a little today with the dog food and electrical outlets). It's hard to keep that in mind and know what to do. I slap away her hand and she just keeps going back no matter how often I say no she just doesn't listen. She doesn't even acknowledge me when I say her name to get her attention. I just need to remember it's nothing personal, she's learning and I love her. Then when she reacts negatively to my repremands (her crying fits) I just have to walk away. I can't let that affect me either. Just make sure she's away from the bad things and go away until she calms down. I can explain it to her why, but I can't do what I want to (pick her up and comfort her crying) because that's negative reinforncement of what I want to teach.
I'm not saying that she shouldn't be held when she cries, on the contrary that's the first thing I want to do and often do do. When she gets hurt or scared or is tired and just needs to cry, I hold her and comfort her (now I immitate her saying "rock the baby" as I rock her in my arms). But I can't do that when she's crying because she's mad she can't do something she wants to that I don't want her to do. It's not fair to her to let her think that just because I tell her something "no"-wise doesn't mean she can't get out of it if she cries. I can't let in to my first reactions... and that's hard with a crying baby that I love. I do feel bad for her, but I know she's got to learn. I never understood that train of thought until I had a child. I just hope I can stay calm and keep my cool through this learning phase. Erin, I love you, you are so smart, I know you will learn quickly and easily. Just be patient with mama.
Erin Teething
So it feels like Erin's been teething for the last few months, because every time she throws a fit, sleeps too long, has a fever, gets off in any way that is the excuse: "Oh, don't worry. She's just teething." seems to explain everything.
And as true as it may be, it's just... when will it end? I don't know why but when she started teething I just assumed it would be those first few, and then there'd be a break before the next few came in... and then another break... and then some more and another break.
I don't know why I'd assume something like that. I didn't really assume it, but I didn't really think otherwise. I didn't think that she would just KEEP teething. I don't know why I wouldn't, it makes logical sense, but it just didn't really hit me. Just one of those things.
She's getting her back molars in right now, and I've never seen her go at stuff chewing like she has been. I thought she'd chew through her teethers! She usually doesn't like the frozen ones, but she has gone for them like nothing else these last few days.
And as true as it may be, it's just... when will it end? I don't know why but when she started teething I just assumed it would be those first few, and then there'd be a break before the next few came in... and then another break... and then some more and another break.
I don't know why I'd assume something like that. I didn't really assume it, but I didn't really think otherwise. I didn't think that she would just KEEP teething. I don't know why I wouldn't, it makes logical sense, but it just didn't really hit me. Just one of those things.
She's getting her back molars in right now, and I've never seen her go at stuff chewing like she has been. I thought she'd chew through her teethers! She usually doesn't like the frozen ones, but she has gone for them like nothing else these last few days.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
A Letter to Both
Erin and PJ,
My darling dears, when you are old enough to read this blog I hope you see the good outweighing the bad. I have had my bad times and I don't want you to think it's your fault. It is never your fault. I just get so exhausted, frustraited, etc. Please realize my happy memories outweigh my bad ones. I hope yours do, too. Even now, I'm sitting here smirking a bit as I hear Erin tossing and turning and can feel PJ doing the same inside me.
I'm sorry if it has caused any problems with you down the line. I hope you have had a happy life and that I have taken part in it for the best. I love you both so very much. I hope you see that over everything else.
I love you,
Mama
My darling dears, when you are old enough to read this blog I hope you see the good outweighing the bad. I have had my bad times and I don't want you to think it's your fault. It is never your fault. I just get so exhausted, frustraited, etc. Please realize my happy memories outweigh my bad ones. I hope yours do, too. Even now, I'm sitting here smirking a bit as I hear Erin tossing and turning and can feel PJ doing the same inside me.
I'm sorry if it has caused any problems with you down the line. I hope you have had a happy life and that I have taken part in it for the best. I love you both so very much. I hope you see that over everything else.
I love you,
Mama
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Sleep Over Part Deux
Tonight is Erin's second sleep over, and it's already a bit different from the first time. I'm awake, and she should be waking up soon, but she'll be waking up over at Gammy's. It was a normal night for Chris and I, but when it was time to go to bed I still wanted to go into her room and check on her. But she wasn't there, so I got a little out of my routine which was awkward for me. I'll find out in a few hours how she did. I'm sure she did fine, she's used to napping at Gammy's. And if something was wrong I'd get a call. I'm not worried, it's just the house feels slightly empty without her... even though everyone would be asleep right now.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
bad day
Bad Bad Bad day. It was a great start, but then when I changed her diaper, she wouldn't let me put a new one on, and I snapped. I tried the calm down thing with walking away, but then she still wouldn't let me. I couldn't stop crying and knew I had to do somehting before I did something bad. I wrapped her butt in a towel and tried my neighbors the Jordans, but they weren't home. So I took her to Lacy's. Spent a good long time over there, calming down. But the feelings stayed with me through the day. I ended up having to call Dr. Janet and setting up to see them. They were worried, which made me worse.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Name Calling
Chris and I had to go pick up the remaining stuff at JBF-Tulsa today and on our way we discussed #2's name.
We've been discussing Paul, Jackson, and Drake, in no particular order or preference as to which two of the three we would keep. We had pretty much decided Paul Jackson or Jackson Paul, though.
But I had gone to a birthday party yesterday where there were about 10 children/toddlers... and 3 of them were named Jackson. So I had time to think about it and was very discouraged in having that popular a name as my boy's first name. I didn't want him to get "lost in the shuffle" so to speak. So I had always been partial to Paul Jackson, rather than Jackson Paul (because that reminded me of Jackson Pollik the artist), and that clenched it for me. And then I thought about other middle names, and went back to the Paul and Drake combination, and then one or two others (I've always liked William, but apparently Chris has always hated it... but I still tried to get it in there). But we kept coming back to Paul Jackson. We like the names and the initials... so there you go. PJ is our name for #2 for right now.
We aren't 100%, and won't be until we fill out the paperwork. But I'm 99.9% sure that Paul Jackson Rano Rich is #2's full name. We wanted to decide it ahead of time so that we could stop frustraiting people. We will call him Paul and PJ... and never ever ever Paulie (that's the only downfall of that first name).
We've been discussing Paul, Jackson, and Drake, in no particular order or preference as to which two of the three we would keep. We had pretty much decided Paul Jackson or Jackson Paul, though.
But I had gone to a birthday party yesterday where there were about 10 children/toddlers... and 3 of them were named Jackson. So I had time to think about it and was very discouraged in having that popular a name as my boy's first name. I didn't want him to get "lost in the shuffle" so to speak. So I had always been partial to Paul Jackson, rather than Jackson Paul (because that reminded me of Jackson Pollik the artist), and that clenched it for me. And then I thought about other middle names, and went back to the Paul and Drake combination, and then one or two others (I've always liked William, but apparently Chris has always hated it... but I still tried to get it in there). But we kept coming back to Paul Jackson. We like the names and the initials... so there you go. PJ is our name for #2 for right now.
We aren't 100%, and won't be until we fill out the paperwork. But I'm 99.9% sure that Paul Jackson Rano Rich is #2's full name. We wanted to decide it ahead of time so that we could stop frustraiting people. We will call him Paul and PJ... and never ever ever Paulie (that's the only downfall of that first name).
Dollie Go Night-Night
My daughter did the cutest thing tonight! So I've had a rough time with her today, and luckily Gammy was able to take her for a bit. I'm just so worn out for some reason and I think Erin is grumpy and was being a bit of a pill today (But that's another blog insert).
Anyway, back on subject of cuteness! So it's bedtime and we (Chris, Erin, and I) go through our nighttime routine, minus the bath part because it was late and we had been out. So we changed her clothes, said our prayers, and gave her her medicine. Then it was time to lay her down. She still seemed quite awake, so I brought her her dollie and she held onto it tightly as we laid her down. Then she immediately sat up when she hit the bed, and I thought "Oh, great. Now she's gonna start crying and everything." But she didn't, she just grabbed her little pooh-bear-blankie-thing and started covering up her dollie. Then I thought she was going to stay seated but when I reached for her she laid down with dollie (covered with blankie) tightly in her arms. It was so sweet! I almost cried then and there. It brightened my day and reminded me of the good things. It is a great memory I will cherish (and look forward to her repeating again!).
Anyway, back on subject of cuteness! So it's bedtime and we (Chris, Erin, and I) go through our nighttime routine, minus the bath part because it was late and we had been out. So we changed her clothes, said our prayers, and gave her her medicine. Then it was time to lay her down. She still seemed quite awake, so I brought her her dollie and she held onto it tightly as we laid her down. Then she immediately sat up when she hit the bed, and I thought "Oh, great. Now she's gonna start crying and everything." But she didn't, she just grabbed her little pooh-bear-blankie-thing and started covering up her dollie. Then I thought she was going to stay seated but when I reached for her she laid down with dollie (covered with blankie) tightly in her arms. It was so sweet! I almost cried then and there. It brightened my day and reminded me of the good things. It is a great memory I will cherish (and look forward to her repeating again!).
Grumpy Girl
Today was a bit rough. Erin's being more clingy than normal, I think it's because the daycare stuff. Ever since I started her in daycare she's become really hard to leave with strangers. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I wouldn't leave her with strangers anyway. She has started crying really hard and clinging onto me when I try and hand her over. The first day of daycare she didn't, she willingly went to the lady there, but since then it's been harder. She's gotten to where, after I leave her and they've finally distracted her enough that she quits crying, anytime someone enters the room... anyone entering... if it's not me she starts her hysterics again. It's very bothersome/worrysome. I know it's just a phase, but it's really hard to deal with when I need to leave her (like church) with someone. I don't know how to fix this. She sort of went through a similar phase when she was 7 months, but it wasn't this bad, and it got fixed after a while. But now... now it's crazy. It's exhausting.
And so I had to leave her today at church at the nursery, which she's gone to plenty of times before and been fine. And I thought she'd be okay (because she seems better with people she knows, and she knows them sort of). When I was checking her in she even started walking off to go in, but she had a hold of my finger, so I couldn't let her in because I wasn't done checking her in. By the time I was done the girl tried to take her and Erin freaked out. It was aweful! I spent most of church praying about her. I thought it was all under control until the last five minutes. I recieved a text saying that Erin needed me. Before church I had been looking forward to the idea that I could get a chocolate chocolate-chip muffin there after service for breakfast. I was really looking forward to it. But when I got to Erin she was inconsolable, so I just took her and headed home. We did stop by McD's to see Chris and grab some food. Fries made the tears go away for a little bit. And when we got home she took her nap.
I thought the fits would be done when she awoke, and I knew Patty was coming to get her in a little while after she got up. So I put in one of her Classical Baby DVDs and she immediately was mezmerized ( for that whole "I'm awake but not really ready to move" phase these DVDs are great). She sat down right in front of the TV, which is a bit close for me (I realize TVs have changed over the years, but I always remember hearing you shouldn't sit closer than 4 feet for your eyes' sake, so I still try to keep to that and have been trying to get Erin to follow it too). So I asked her to come sit with me a few feet away. She just ignored my requests. When I reached out for her and took hold to pull her back to me she freaked out: she flailed her arms, arched her back, started crying and yelling. It was aweful. I felt horible. All I wanted to do was sit with her in my lap, or at least beside me, and I couldn't. Every time I even touched her she started again. I finally just grabbed her and held onto her while she screamed and cried and flailed about. I tried to explain to her that we could watch it and that I just wanted to hold her, but I know she doesn't understand that quite yet. I started crying. All I wanted to do was hold my baby and it seemed she hated me when I touched her. We cried together for a little while and she finally realized I wasn't going to take her away, but she stayed stiff while watching the dvd. I felt so bad.
I've got to figure out how to make her less grumpy.
This morning she was very "dizzy" it seemed, so I'm taking her for a check tomorrow because I'm worried that her ear infection has gotten worse. She's not contagious, I know that much. No fever and her caugh is almost gone. She's recovering her voice even. But she was very off-balance today. She fell a couple of times when she shouldn't have and hit her head. Once when she was standing and holding onto something. She didn't slip or trip or anything, just "wham!" fell and hit her head. So that and the grumpiness makes me a bit worried. It's not that she's sick, she's just not acting herself, so I'm going to go have it checked.
And so I had to leave her today at church at the nursery, which she's gone to plenty of times before and been fine. And I thought she'd be okay (because she seems better with people she knows, and she knows them sort of). When I was checking her in she even started walking off to go in, but she had a hold of my finger, so I couldn't let her in because I wasn't done checking her in. By the time I was done the girl tried to take her and Erin freaked out. It was aweful! I spent most of church praying about her. I thought it was all under control until the last five minutes. I recieved a text saying that Erin needed me. Before church I had been looking forward to the idea that I could get a chocolate chocolate-chip muffin there after service for breakfast. I was really looking forward to it. But when I got to Erin she was inconsolable, so I just took her and headed home. We did stop by McD's to see Chris and grab some food. Fries made the tears go away for a little bit. And when we got home she took her nap.
I thought the fits would be done when she awoke, and I knew Patty was coming to get her in a little while after she got up. So I put in one of her Classical Baby DVDs and she immediately was mezmerized ( for that whole "I'm awake but not really ready to move" phase these DVDs are great). She sat down right in front of the TV, which is a bit close for me (I realize TVs have changed over the years, but I always remember hearing you shouldn't sit closer than 4 feet for your eyes' sake, so I still try to keep to that and have been trying to get Erin to follow it too). So I asked her to come sit with me a few feet away. She just ignored my requests. When I reached out for her and took hold to pull her back to me she freaked out: she flailed her arms, arched her back, started crying and yelling. It was aweful. I felt horible. All I wanted to do was sit with her in my lap, or at least beside me, and I couldn't. Every time I even touched her she started again. I finally just grabbed her and held onto her while she screamed and cried and flailed about. I tried to explain to her that we could watch it and that I just wanted to hold her, but I know she doesn't understand that quite yet. I started crying. All I wanted to do was hold my baby and it seemed she hated me when I touched her. We cried together for a little while and she finally realized I wasn't going to take her away, but she stayed stiff while watching the dvd. I felt so bad.
I've got to figure out how to make her less grumpy.
This morning she was very "dizzy" it seemed, so I'm taking her for a check tomorrow because I'm worried that her ear infection has gotten worse. She's not contagious, I know that much. No fever and her caugh is almost gone. She's recovering her voice even. But she was very off-balance today. She fell a couple of times when she shouldn't have and hit her head. Once when she was standing and holding onto something. She didn't slip or trip or anything, just "wham!" fell and hit her head. So that and the grumpiness makes me a bit worried. It's not that she's sick, she's just not acting herself, so I'm going to go have it checked.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Updating
I know I haven't been updating hardly at all, but having a 1 year old is a bit taxing on time. My down time is minimal. Hopefully over the next few weeks I'll be able to go back and update some stuff.
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