Bassinet babies

So Chris and I picked up this $300 white wicker Pottery Barn bassinet at jbf for $150 right before Erin was born. At first we were apprehensive about the buy, a bit worried we had spent that much on an item we weren't even sure we'd ever use.
But since then Erin slept in it for months in our room, Brooklyn did the same at the Wards, and now we are repeating the process with Paul.
We had it out in the living room and were going to wheel it into the bedroom each night. But right now I'm sleeping on the recliners in the living room, so he stays right there with me. Once I feel good enough to "get out of bed" (quite literally; it's the bending and pushing myself from a full laying position, which is why the recliners are nice) both of us will move into the bedroom where he will stay until he grows out of it or hits 3 months, whichever comes first.
But I think it's really cool that this buy, that we questioned, is quickly becoming a family heirloom.

Chris' Birthday

For Chris' birthday this year we went down to Dallas (Frisco, actually) and purchased him the media center he's been wanting.

It's from Ikea and he's been looking at it for a while now. I figured we needed it now to cover up the cords to keep them away from Erin.
So Chris and I left Erin with her Gammy and Granpa on Chris' birthday and drove the whole 4 hours down. Then we walked around the Ikea for a few hours (due excersize after being in the car that long!). With some extra birthday money he had we were able to upgrade it a little and get a few extras we had been eyeing. We were even able to get a huge picture we had both been talking about since the last time we went (I was surprised they still had it!) to go in the living room.

We stayed the night and came back the next day. Chris had a meeting even though it was his day off, so he didn't get to jump in and work on it right away.

But for the past couple of days he's been able to do little bits and pieces.

Erin helps out ever so often, and I... well I just sit back and make sure neither of them poke their eye out.



I'm so excited to see what it looks like when it's done! He's off work today, with no forseable meetings (but I do have a dr. apt that he has to watch Erin during), so he should be able to finish it today... at least mostly. I'm so excited! I think I'm more excited than he is!

Sleepless Nights

Right now I'm suffering from insomnia (as you can tell by the time stamp on this post), but it is not due directly to Erin. But because I'm awake already I've been the one going and checking on her.
Let me restart: She was sleeping pretty well through the night, waking up only ever so often at 3-5am and then for the day at 7am. Chris would do hisi daddy duty and put her back to sleep at the 3-5 waking. In Peru she started waking up at around midnight, 3-5am, and 7am. I let this slide because she was not in her own bed, new environment, etc, etc. So I'd just nurse her back to sleep. She did fine and would fall right back until the next time slot.
But now that we are back she has gotten a whole new attitude towards sleeping. I can't get her to nap worth anything. It tires me out and I just can't deal with it sometimes. I cheat and it seems the only way she'll nap is if she nurses... but even then that does not work all the time. She just gets sooo tired! I don't understand, because I put her down at the first signs of sleepiness, and the moment she knows where she's going it's bloody-murder! You'd think I was pinching her all over or something! It's aweful and I just don't know what to do. I get so frustrated... I can barely get myself to walk away sometimes though. Sometimes I just pick her right back out and say "Okay, if you are awake enough to stand in your crib/cry that hard/etc you are gonna just be awake." I'll take her out and we'll go back out into the living room for some more play time. I don't want to have to nurse her to get her to nap because I know that's "bad association", but I'll be darned if that isn't exactly what I have to do most of the time. Everyone else seems to be able to get her to just pop right off to sleep for a nap, though.
Maybe it is just the seperation anxiety... that must be what happens at night, too.
I'm glad Chris puts her to sleep at night, but she knows that I'm not there and he's having a harder time getting her to stop crying. She knows the routine, I don't know why she doesn't go with it and accept that it's daddy time and not mommy time.
But anyway, back to what I was saying in the begining: She's waking up at 12/1am and crying crying crying! In Peru it wasn't hard to handle because her crib was right there, I'd get her before she woke up anyone else and nurse her back to sleep. But I don't want to keep doing that.
I've been sending Chris in to take care of her, but I know it's been wearing on him as well. Tonight was a different night. I decided that since I've got this insomnia (that's been pestering me for a while now, and it's just getting worse since I've been back. I really gotta get this under control) I'd just get her before it got too out of hand and nurse her. So at midnight when she started crying I did just that. I cheated and nursed her back to sleep. But that didn't do the trick this time. She woke up again about 30 minutes later. She's just stopped crying. Almost two hours later. It's so quiet I'm kind of scared.
I tried so hard to console her. I gave her her paci multiple times without avail. I put origel on her gums in case it was tooth pain. I knew it wasn't hunger so I didn't bother nursing. But I did eventually pick her up and try and rock her, sing to her, and walk around with her. She only stoped crying for a second when I started walking... but only a second or two. It was bad. I had to set her down she was squirming so much. I rubbed her belly. She remained "swaddled" in the wombie, but that just seemed to piss her off more (I wonder a little bit if it's the detergent because it got washed with regular stuff rather than Dreft, and it's kind of the first batch of stuff that's got a bit stronger smell to it than normal. Just in case I'm gonna rewash it when I wake up).
I had to just walk away. I called the Blue Cross Baby hotline, but it's really only for pregnancy up till 6 weeks (newborns), so they told me to check for fever and stuff (which she doesn't have). I tried calling my pediatrician, but unless I wanted the emergency triage people I had little options except to wait to call until the morning... which is what I'm going to do.
So, after some pacing, I sat in the living room with tears and the video monitor watching as Erin rolled around and banged her head against things (which only made her cry louder). It was a good hard cry for an hour and a half, and then another 30 minutes of intermitten sobs and short bursts. It always sounds like she's in pain, so I don't know what it could be.
After crying a bit myself, I looked up possible things of what it could be. The internet kept saying "night terrors". Some other suggestions were teething (which the oragel should have fixed almost immediately), seperation anxiety, and gas.
All I know is she's asleep and I'm tired. My mind keeps racing and I've gotta get it under control so I can be a good mom for Erin. I'm just greatful that Chris is able to watch her when she wakes up... I just wish he would get up right away when she gets up. But that's another blog.
I'd better get some sleep... after I check on her. Night.

PPD

Okay, so it's been hitting me hard this week. There are times when I just want to scream and yell at Erin to shut up! Times when she's so tired (and I'm so tired) that she won't go to sleep and she just cries so hard. It scares me what I will/can/do do. I try not to think about it, I try not to act on things... but it's hard. I love her so much, but I get so frustrated. I don't know how to explain it, because I'm trying not to think about it.

It started last Thursday and has lasted through this week. It got so bad that by Sunday I was ready to just hand her over to whomever. I just wanted to drop her off and never come back. Monday I went to see Dr. Janet. I told her my feelings. oye. It's hard. I've calmed down but I still... oye.

And being depressed I haven't eaten as well as I should or drank as much as I should, and it was affecting my milk supply. I told Chris my milk was low and it was hurting to nurse her. He made me feel so guilty. It's not like I knew what I was doing! I don't want to hurt her... and I didn't mean to if I did. And I hate how Chris made me feel about the low milk. I didn't realize I wasn't eating or drinking enough until today. I mean, I was depressed! I didn't notice. So now I have to really watch it.

On My Own

Today was my first day home with Erin without Chris. I didn’t realize how much I missed him being around. I survived fairly well. Erin finished her early morning feed and we both slept in the living room (her in her swing, and I on the couch). Then we had our mid-morning feed, and just in time Chris called and asked if we wanted anything to eat. Patty brought by food, and then Mom came by soon after to help take care of stuff. She stayed with me most of the day, which was nice. I was able to take a nap and whatnot. I’m more confident I could do stuff with Erin being the only other person in the house.

Contractions

For the past few days I've been feeling contractions, mainly in the evening or after I've eaten. It's been a bit of a dissappointment when nothing happens, so I didn't want to report having them most of the day yesterday. I could hear it in Chris' voice each morning I told him I was feeling fine and the contractions were gone. He had gotten so excited the nights before. I feel bad for having let him down. But it happens, and he's been really good at being understanding.

LBG's Big Day

Well, LBG's big due date has come and gone, and now it's the date of induction. I'm so very nervous and scared. I cried last night for a good little while while Chris comforted me. Stupid hormones. It's just such a scary thing. I mean, it's not. A lot of people go through it, and over half of all pregnancies go past the EDD. But it scares me. I don't know why. But part of me already feels like a failure as a mother. I know it's silly and sad that I think this, and it's only a very small part of the thoughts that creep into my head. I know it's fully not justified in thinking and that I'll be a damn good mom, but that doesn't stop the thought from approaching. It makes me cry every time. And I know this is not my fault, I know that it's no one's fault. It's just God's will, and there is a reason for it. I'm just so scared.
It's odd, I think I was less scared thinking that I'd just randomly go into labor. It's odd that the controled way is what scares me. I think it's because I am actually thinking about the process. My mind goes through the steps of what will happen, rather than just going "and I could just go into labor at any time" and not think about what the steps are. When I was watching for the signs of labor I had to keep my mind there, in the present, in case I missed a sign. But now, I have time to think... and that's never a good idea.
I'm fine, and please don't worry. Just keep me in your prayers. I know God will give me the strength to get through this, and that He'd never give me anything I can't handle. I'm just scared is all, and I wanted to note the feelings for myself for later reference. So if I start crying in your presence, please understand: it's not you, and I know I shouldn't be worried. I'm just scared. And I know the outcome will be such a great joy it will overwhelm these feelings I have right now. I think the worst part right now is the waiting. But LBG will come and all will be good.

Baby come out

"Baby come out!" Chris keeps saying to my belly. I know everyone is ready for the day LBG makes her big appearance. It's making me anxious as well. I think I'm ready... pretty sure so. I'm just waiting for it to all happen. I've worried as much as I can worry, and I've done as much as I can to prepare, so I should be at the right spot. (I think) I'm ready for LBG to make her first appearance into this world.
The question is: what to do till then? Just because Chris has decided, and I have decided, and everyone else has decided that it's time doesn't mean she has. It's gotten to the point it's hard to call anyone without immediately going "this is not an emergency" or "I'm not at the hospital". I feel bad everyone else is waiting too, but I know they're waiting for something super amazing and special... I just hope it doesn't hurt too much.
I know that it's going to, supposed to, because God has set it so, but... still. Anyway; the thing that bugs me most is not knowing. As dissorganized as I appear, I like to be a little in control. So I guess I just have to hand this all over to God and say aloud "Okay, this is in your hands. LBG can come whenever she wants."
That said and done, now what? Patience really is a virtue.

Headaches and Head Aches

Right now I'm debating weither or not to take Tylenol or Tylenol Sinus. I've got a headache that's starting to be piercing.
Today has been busy. We had an early day at the doctors and I didn't sleep that well last night. So it's been considerably long. We walked around a lot of places, Target really pissed me off/annoyed me today. But we got that all sorted out, glad Chris was there. We walked around the super Target in Tulsa, Woodland Hills Mall, and Baby Depot. So I've done a lot of walking. And driving over the snowy spots has been bumpy driving.
Yesterday I sortof did pre-labor stuff, like ride on a bumpy road, walk around (with Mom we walked around Hobby Lobby a bunch), and ate some slightly spicy food (do biscuts and gravy count?). Oh, also I baked... so I did a bit of nesting.
But anyway, today has been a long day, and I've got a major headache. that feels like pierces in my head.
But no baby today. Chris is getting anxious/excited. But yesterday brought about lots of worrry to me. I mean... this is really happening. REALLY happening. It's such an overwhelming feeling. I mean, and not knowing when it's going to happen, how much it's going to hurt, or anything! It's so scarry! I am truely scared, and I know I have to just give it into God's hands. But it truely worries me. I mean, what is this labor thing?! How am I supposed to deal with it? What is it going to be like? I'm so scared about the whole thing... not knowing is scary.
Chris keeps saying that it's all worth it, and it is... but it's just going to be more worrying: I mean, what's going to happen when she's older/outside of my protection?
Anyway, I just worry a lot, I know. But with pregnancy and labor being so close I'm extra emotional. Chris is being so good about everything. He's good at comforting me.

PRC and SIDS

Today's class was over SIDS. It was okay. Chris went with me and found a Kozy for the carrier, which is exactly what we were looking for! We were also able to get diapers, a bunch of hats, mits, some socks, shop n' play, and safety stuff for cords.

Classes

Chris came with me today to both classes. It was his scheduled day off to do so, so I'm glad he decided to go to both. Originally he was only going to be going to the St. John's class, but he decided to go to the Pregnancy Resource Center with me. I think he wanted to see what it was all about. Which was good, because now he has an idea of it, and we both like it a lot. I think after I'm done with all my classes there (which will be about a year) I'd like to volunteer there. The people are really sweet and caring.
Today's lesson at PRC was on newborn care. Chris can be a trouble maker and started laughing hestarically at parts of the video. It was good because it made me relax a little. I'd been treating it like a lecture class, and really set into it, taking down notes and what not. But with him there laughing I couldn't help but giggle myself. It was good to loosen up. I think he's so ready for LBG to be here he's just getting anxious now, which makes him a little bit of a twerp. But that's besides the point. We finished the lesson and I showed him around the little place. Our instructor that day was not my normal instructor because I thought I was supposed to go in at 1, but it was actually supposed to be 3. But they went ahead and took me at 1, which was nice of them. But she has the same last name as us, so we talked for quite some time about that (and the fact that her husband's name is Chris as well), and some other things (like financial peace... Dave Ramsey should pay Chris for how much he talks about and promotes it!).
Anyway, today's PRC class covered nursing, diapering, and bathing. I don't remember the bathing part as much as the other parts, but that's due to the fact that Chris made fun of the other parts a lot more than the bathing. Little twerp, I love him.

And tonights class at St. John's - Owasso was Safe Start. I reccomend it. It covered things like car seat safety, shaken baby syndrome, and infant CPR. It was also supposed to cover swaddling, but I don't think the nurses remembered that (so we wrote it down on the evaluation as a reminder). It was a good overall class though.
We started with the CPR and that actually went by really fast. It was kind of odd at first, but we had a video and had to do it on a manequine. It wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be since everyone else was doing the same thing at the same time.
Then we watched a video on SBS, very sad. There was a lot of paperwork in our file folders for us to go through. A lot on poison and such. On eof ht ethings they talked about and showed us was the contents of your purse and/or diaper bag can be very dangerous. So you have to think about what you're putting in your bags cause baby will get into it.
The last thing we did was check out the car seats. We had to actually take it into the class so they could go over it with us. Chris was getting antsy again (I guess he thought he'd been a "good boy" for too long) and started playing around. But he's got the seat figured out and had the manequine strapped in it good and tight before the nurses told us to do so.
Like I said, they were supposed to talk to us a little about swaddling, but never got to it. But another couple there started talking to us about it a little. There's this book and DVD by some guy (can't remember the name) called "the happiest baby on the block" that's supposed to be really good about teaching you how to swaddle and calm the baby down real quickly. So when Chris and I got home we looked it up and ordered the DVD on Netflix (ah, such greatness is Netflix!). It should be coming when we send our next DVD in. It'll be interesting to see what the guy says on it.
Anyway, that's about it for the classes. I'm glad I'm doing them. I just wish I had scheduled them better. So take my advice: the hospital classes should be taken when you're in your 7th or 8th month, not the 9th! Also if you go to the resource center; start durring your first trimester, because they'll start you out there, and you'll have plenty of time for all the classes. I feel a little crammed with my schedule now that the due date is upon us.

Cravings Chocolate

Let me preface with, I love my husband very very much, but...
He made me laugh today with a tinge of anger. I was having major cravings for chocolate chocolate-chip muffins, and he was being an ass about the whole thing. At first he didn't want to go out and do it, and then had never heard of such a thing.
Finally persuaded him to go out and do it. I realize of course that he has been working a very very long day... 12 hour shift in fact. But this is the first time I've pulled the pregnancy card and asked him for something I'm craving rather than just going out and getting it myself. I had texted him earlier that day to go get it if he had a chance, but he didn't. So on his way home I asked him to bring it home, but he didn't. So I finally convinced him that I really wanted it and that we should go out and get it.
So we went to Reasors. It takes him forever to go through that store! I knew exactly what I wanted and where it was, but we had to mosey about almost every aisle. We finally got to where the muffins would be, and they were sold out!
So I told Chris we should go to the other Reasors, which is only a couple of miles away, not like it's a few hours away or anything! Anyway, first thing out of Chris' mouth was that he was not going to go to the other Reasors. I totally had to pull the card. I mean, this was the first time I've asked him to go around town searching for anything food related for me! How dare he. He had been getting off easy these whole nine months. I hadn't asked him for anything like that. Grrrr. It made me so mad. I just started laughing, because I couldn't believe him!
I think he started feeling guilty, so don't rip him too much for it, because we did go to the other Reasors, begrudgingly. I found the chocolate chocolate-chip muffings and enjoyed one in the car. He had apparently never had one before, so I gave him a bite. He'll probably have one tomorrow for breakfast or a snack. I just couldn't believe it. I mean, I love Chris and everything, but... it just makes me laugh and shake my head. The nerve, sometimes... urgh.

Chris being Cute

Chris has been so cute and sweet about LBG! I was worried that he wasn't feeling "involved" in the pregnancy (other than that initial bit) but I think that since he's started being able to feel her and see her move around he's come around to it. He's super excited about her, and it's so cute. He touches my belly a lot, and every night before we go to sleep he puts his head on it and talks to her. He's even read to her a little bit. It's so cute.
And she responds! She locates his voice and starts pushing back on him. Just the thought of this makes me smile so much. He gets so excited, and honestly... so do I. It's good to know that she "knows" his voice. She pushes around his nose or cheek, I'm assuming with her foot (because she should be head down by now and it's pretty strong).
He's so cute about the whole thing... and I love it. I'm glad to know he's excited. Not that I thought he wasn't, I've just been playing the whole thing down a bit because I'm worried about other peoples feelings. But there are times I just want to shout out about her. I don't like hogging the conversation, but I could talk about her for hours! I'm really excited about her, and he seems to be too. Which makes me super happy. I really was a bit worried about him not feeling involved. But I think he's fine. I love my husband, and I love LBG. This family has a great amount of love for each other before it's even seen each other.
Ooo... she's got the hick-ups again. We both got too excited. Time to stop typing for a bit. Night. :)

Killer Heartburn!

ATTACK OF THE KILLER HEARTBURN! Oh my goodness it was bad today! I have to remember to eat, because she'll remind me. I think that's why she gets me up at 9 am each morning, in spite of how late I might have stayed up the previous night. She also makes sure I'm drinking enough water, otherwise she'll send her acid bombs my way too.
But this morning was H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E! I skipped out on breakfast at the house so that Chris and I could get it together. But by the time we left the house and were on the way to McDonalds... I thought my throat would never recover! I thought I was going to vomit it was so bad. I think heartburn has been the worst pain so far of the pregnancy.
I mean, most of the time, I'm used to it. It's almost a constant some days. And I pop Tums (which are completely safe) like they're candy (which is apparently completely safe for Tums because they're providing calcium). But this morning that didn't even help. I think it was because I was dehydrated a little and on an empty stomache.
I mean, at night it's hard to avoide because my pre-natal vitamin gives me heartburn sometimes, and if I lay down too soon after eating... that does it too. But today. It hurt soooo much! I was snappy and practically yelling at Chris. But I could barely talk because I didn't want to open my mouth. I could feel the acid in the back of my mouth. The rest of the day I kept spitting to get rid of the mucos that was pooling back there.
So, LBG, I get the point: Eat breakfast weither I feel like it or not, and drink plenty of refreshing liquids.

Life's Coming At Us Quick

Wow... it doesn't seem like "just yesterday", but it does seem like it wasn't that long ago I had a whole different look on life.
I never thought I'd be the domesticated type... I guess Chris just brings that out in me... and I have no idea how/why.
I always imagined being independent, single, and without boundaries. I look back on parts of my life and cringe... and wonder "will she be like that?" I just feel like a contradiction sometimes.
But life is coming, and she's coming fast. I would never change having her and I thank the Lord for bringing Chris into my life. He's made my world so much better.

Baby Kicks Chris

Yeah!!! So excited! These last few days I've been able to visibly see her kick more and more. Last night when we all went to bed, she was doing so big time. At first I just had Chris put his hand on my stomach and feel, but then I figured out that he doesn't know what he's feeling for and that it'd be much easier for him to see it beforehand. Chris let me use his iphone and we played some jovial music on it and she became very visible about it! Chris saw the baby kick! So then he put his hand over where she was kicking and was able to feel her! It was such a cool thing! I know I notice her move a lot, but last night with all the music... it was cute, and she would somewhat follow it (not rythmically, but location wise). Like originally we put the phone's speaker right below my bellybutton (which has not popped out fully yet), and she'd kick at that area. Then we moved it to the side, and she'd kick at it over there! It was so cool! Although I'm not sure if that means she liked the music or was trying to get rid of it. It was an awesome thing that I'm so glad Chris can finally be a part of.