A Letter to Both

Erin and PJ,
My darling dears, when you are old enough to read this blog I hope you see the good outweighing the bad. I have had my bad times and I don't want you to think it's your fault. It is never your fault. I just get so exhausted, frustraited, etc. Please realize my happy memories outweigh my bad ones. I hope yours do, too. Even now, I'm sitting here smirking a bit as I hear Erin tossing and turning and can feel PJ doing the same inside me.
I'm sorry if it has caused any problems with you down the line. I hope you have had a happy life and that I have taken part in it for the best. I love you both so very much. I hope you see that over everything else.
I love you,
Mama

Letter to Erin - # 4

Erin,

May I whisper something in your ear? I love you. It's so true. I know I have many names for you that might sound demeaning, but I hope you have found them endearing: Monkey face, monkey butt, hairy butt, little butt-butt, stinky (butt), stinky-meninky, cutie patutie/fatutie, munchkin, my rosebud, my pressious, little princess,.. but most of all: Mine. I am so greatful that God has given you to me to have and protect and help grow in His glory and light. I cannot say it enough: you are the best thing that has happened in my life and I thank God every day for you. You are my everything. And I know you will read this years and years down the line but I just want to be able to tell you how much I love you. Right now you are almost 7 months (and my! how that time has flown!) and I don't understand why people say that I'm spoiling you. I don't think it's possible at this age, even for someone as intelligent as you are. I don't think it's wrong for me to come get you when you state that you are no longer willing to be where you are, especially when you cannot get out. It's my duty to do this and ease your storm before it hits. I want you to know that in spite of people constantly saying I caudle you and whatnot, I love you and don't care what they think, as long as you feel protected, I am here. If you are safe, I will let you be. But if you ever don't feel comfortable, even in the basic ways of feeling tired or hungry, I am here for you and will not make you wait long at all for those needs to be met.

This last trip has really gotten me. My tounge cannot always grasp words, and though I may call you a smattering of those names, please remember: you are mine, and I am yours. You are my Erin. And though I cannot always put those words together they are forever true. And that I love you. I hope this makes sense one day.

I love you,

Love,

Mama/Me